No Longer Queasy

I feel a hundred times better this morning than I did yesterday at this time! In fact, all morning long, yesterday, I had this rolling stomach from nerves. Brian said his was the same. I didn't eat a thing until after the appointment when Brian and I went to lunch. It was sort of like a "de-briefing" lunch. Not only did I want to be sure that we both heard things the same way, but I needed to show him the written report so he's aware of the points that Dr. Kumar did not touch on. The report summation emphasizes the right pelvis and scapula as I mentioned yesterday. Those are the areas with the greatest amount of activity.

The report also mentions those areas of my spine that we knew about from last year's scans. The good news is that they're described as only "small and moderately intense." The one item that keeps jumping off this sheet of paper, though, is "mild heterogeneity seen through the skull." We've never talked about my skull. Sure, we did MRIs of my brain, but nothing was ever found. It's kind of a passing comment within the report and it is not mentioned again in the summary. Should I be concerned? Dr. K doesn't seem to think so. In fact, overall, he's pleased with the results. And so are Brian and I.

BUT...as is always the case after these appointments...I am still worried. In time, that worry will fade until it's time to see Dr. K again, in January, and then it will flare up again. He assures us that there's no need to worry at this point. That things are behaving about the way he would expect them to. And I realize that we aren't just sitting around doing nothing. We're continuing with the bone strengthener infusions and we're still administering the injections. But it feels so "inactive."

I was thrilled to hear my friend, KB, say yesterday what I always feel. "It would almost be better to get some bad news that we can react to, than to just have to wait." Some of you are going to have a hard time wrapping your minds around that one. But here's the thing...chemo is perceived as a killer of cancer. If, by undergoing chemo, we can start to kill off these nasty cancer cells, what are we waiting for?? That, to me, is an extremely active approach! Bad news might move us to a new level where we can sit up and DO something.

Thankfully Dr. K is always there to remind me that avoiding chemo as long as possible is key. It isn't the miracle yet that it may become some day. Chemo this time around won't be like the last time. It will be more intense. It will have a longer recovery time. And, I suppose, it's a sign that while "the end" is still a long way off (and that's a relative term, to be sure), you can begin to see it coming over the horizon.

Like I said...I feel a hundred times better today than yesterday. And already my worries are beginning to fade. But it remains a frustrating situation. I've mostly come to terms with that, but the waiting is difficult on some days. Waiting to see what these injections can do is my primary "action" right now.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner (can you believe that?!?) it is an obvious time to say thank you to all of you who take the precious moments out of your day to check in here and see how I'm doing. Thank you to all of you who say your prayers on my behalf. Thank you to those of you who reply here, send an email or call to let me know that you have checked in. Thank you for being the best family and friends by whom anyone in my situation could hope to be surrounded!!