Rated FG - feel good

I watched a movie last night called "Griffin & Phoenix". Absolutely loved it. I highly recommend it to those that love a 'real' story with an ending that makes you think. I thought of Carol a few times during the movie. Actually, a lot of times. Rent it...

Happy birthday dear Carol...happy birthday to you!

Mary:

I've been thinking and thinking about what I wanted to write and something that I hadn't thought about in a long time popped into my head the other day and I decided that must mean I should write about it. Being the big sister, it's sometimes hard for me to think of my younger siblings as adults. I always thought of Carol as that cute and sometimes-annoying little kid who used to tag along and get in the way and make a mess with her catalog paper dolls (there's another story...but I digress). Then came a day, probably in the late 80's sometime, when I was working in Bloomington and Carol was in the Twin Cities for some reason and she had a phone interview scheduled, so she came to my office to do the interview. I remember sitting in my office with her, sort of working, but mostly listening to her side of the interview. I remember thinking that she sounded so professional and confident, and that she had a lot of talents that I hadn't even realized she had. I think I told her when she was finished that I was really impressed and I would certainly hire her - at least I hope I told her.

Kathy:

I had a hard time coming up with one specific memory but I did want to say that I like to remember the healthy Carol who had just started dating Brian in the summer of '99. She was soooo happy and excited about what the future held. I really believe that was the happiest time in Carol's life and her joy - as always - was completely infectious. One more thing. I have this photo of Carol on my dresser (attached) and it makes me smile every time I look at it. If you haven't already chosen some photos, I'd love to share this one with those who haven't seen it. It's from the lunch she threw herself in January '06 to celebrate 5 years of survival. Some days I feel nothing but sadness about what the disease did to her, but other days I draw strength from how she handled it.

Wendy:

I have SO many memories of Carol, that I didn't know where to start. I will touch on one of them, and that is when my brother Tommy and I bowled with them on Halloween. Carol was such a cute cave woman. (Brian looked good, too!!) Tommy and I were clowns---boy did we fit the part. (That was Tommy's idea!!) I don't remember how we bowled, but all I know is that is one night I will never forget!!
I do remember all the Christmas gatherings with the family, no matter how Carol felt, she always managed to have a smile on her face, and I will cherish those smiles forever. I loved her Santa hat she wore one Christmas to keep her head warm. She was just SO festive!!
I miss her SO much and my heart aches for her. I know she is going to have a WONDERFUL Birthday & Christmas in heaven with Dad. (It's been 6 years now, and I still can't believe how much I miss him as well----I know it gets easier, but the emptiness is what is SO hard.

Denise:

Happy Birthday Carol!
There are so many moments thru the past 6 years of our friendship that I would love to share because I feel truly blessed that Carol was in my life. She truly has made a huge impact on my life and for that I want to share short memories tidbits that still bring a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling to me.
Bandana Sisters For Life! One of the first Fridays after Carol started at Muth she wore a bandana in her hair not knowing that I too had whipped one in mine. We thought that was so funny that we started wearing our bandanas every Friday together. We were branded the name “The Bandana Sisters.”
For awhile Carol and I would get our nails done together on our lunches. Those days were always one of my favorite monthly activities with her, aside from our “Girls Night Out” (GNO). I would always try to convince her to try a new nail color but her favorite was OPI “I am not really a waitress.” After she got sick and the nails came off, to cheer her up I purchased that color for her so she could ‘pretty’ her nails up.
When the days were long at work I would walk down to her office and ask if we could “Escape to the (Ford) Escape.” That phrase was used often by both of us.
A couple weeks or so before her wedding, Carol took me for a ride in her Corolla to show me the location of her wedding, which was still one of my all time favorite weddings.
After many conversations about the wedding hairdo, Carol asked if I would join her for her ‘trial run’. After 2 or so hours in the salon, we finally found the perfect style. *smiling* Carol was one beautiful bride.
In the summer months Carol and I would walk for a half hour on our lunches - occasionally she would send me an email:

From: Stecker, Carol

Sent: Monday, June 05, 2006 2:06 PM

To: Morley, Denise

Subject: one foot in front of the other

Feel like taking a short walk around the block at about 2:30?

And off we would go. I think I enjoyed those walks the most because it gave us time to talk and catch up with each other.
After my husband and I purchased our house I would tell Carol about all the tulips that were blooming in our yard. She commented on how she loved tulips and wanted to plant some in her yard. So the next day I brought in some tulips to brighten up her office.
The stories could go on and on…Again, these are just some of the many memories I keep with me. Carol and I did have a lot of good laughs together. I miss her more and more every day. Happy Birthday Carol!!!!! I love you.

Sue:

One of my favorites was Christmas of '05. Dave had just been diagnosed with cancer and we were all gathering at Jerry and Bert's and pretending that we were in a festive mood. All of a sudden, from the basement of their house we heard bells jingling. Sounded just like Santa's sleigh bells. Carol bursts through the door wearing a Santa hat and jingling sleigh bells with her great bellow of "Merrry Christmas". She and Brian were to have arrived a few days later, but in true Carol style, she wanted to be with the family and offer her comfort and support to everyone. So she made the drive by herself and Brian flew in a couple of days later. That was just so like her. No matter how lousy she felt, she still took such an interest in others and in their day to day lives. I miss that so much.

Some of my other favorite memories are of when Dominic was born, and Carol allowing me to be in the delivery room with her. It was absolute hell watching her go through labor, and I swore that I would never have children of my own! But seeing that little boy come into this world is something that I will never forget. Then there are all the memories we shared when he was a babe and a toddler. We often laughed about how any times we took a trip in the car somewhere together, Dominic would ALWAYS fill his pants.

I could go on and on, and it feels good to do so. Maybe I need to start a journal and get some of these memories down. Carol always told me to write down the cute things that my kids say. She would always tell me "You think you'll remember them, but you won't". I don't ever want my wonderful memories of her to go away.

Thanks for encouraging us to remember the good times, KB. It has certainly been a rough 5 months, and I know there are many more crappy days ahead, but I do find myself dwelling more on the great times that we had, rather than just the crappy last few years. Afterall, that's what Carol would want me to do.

Bert:

My mom passed away on 12/5 so my family has been focused on that and trying to make it through the shock and sadness. I was talking with Jerry this morning about how similar my mother and Carol were: both feisty, fun-loving, smart, beautiful, strong women who had to fight a very horrible illness. As we celebrate Carol's birthday, I'll think about her in sadness but also in happiness as I remember all the gifts she gave to the world, most importantly the unending love she gave her family.

Kristi:

Where to start? Carol was my go-to gal. I shared my many problems with her and she was the first one I ran to in the morning when I had a funny story! She never judged me or my decisions. And even if she disagreed with something I did, she made me feel OK with it after we'd talk everything out. Our personalities were so similar it was scary! We loved the same foods, had common interests, shared the same wit and were both easily annoyed by poor grammar. We even finished each other's sentences at times. I opened myself up to her and never felt vulnerable.

A few key moments in our time together:

• New York. The best vacation of my life. The destination and the company I kept. And I can't thank her enough for journaling the whole adventure in her blog for me.
• Carol's new pants. She came into my office one morning, absolutely mortified! She just bought some pants (unfortunately one size bigger) and forgot to take the clear sticker off that runs down the back of the leg. Her new size was plastered for all eyes. Someone finally told her a few hours into the day. Talk about a gut-wrenching laugh over that one!
• Chili-pepper beer. We hit a local pub one night and they had club cards where you drink all these crappy cheap beers and get a Tshirt at the end. The bartender made a deal with Carol. He'd check off three cheap beers if she drank this hot pepper beer (the pepper was actually floating inside). She slammed it (with an Old Style chaser) and that was her last. She suffered all night and the next day...in many ways.
• The Unity Concert. March '07 I took Carol to the charity concert organized by the SCCCF. All of the performers were local and outstanding! I was tickled that we were able to spend that time together (our real last night "out") and that it was spent doing something so meaningful that we both enjoyed. A priceless evening for us both.

In memory of Carol Stecker. Let's all raise a glass!

Road America cancer walk stats

Sue finally received some numbers from the ACS. A note to remember: the three highest place teams are large corporations. We are a small team of people that came together on our own. I know that Carol would be impressed that we raised 1/2 the money that the giant Kohler Company did. That's commendable.

2,144 people participated in the walk/run
71 teams were involved
Carol's Crusaders was the 4th place team, in terms of money raised, coming in at $7,022
Carol's Crusaders had 51 participants
The first place team was Kohler Company with 284 participants and $15,925 raised.
(2nd place was Pentair with $9,203 and 3rd was American Orthodontics with $8,641.)

There are some great pictures on the site. What I love is that you can see Dick with his Carol sign in many of them!!!

http://photos.roadamerica.com/gallery/3935070#228483354

Any last thoughts?

I'm a little sad that I haven't received one email to celebrate Carol on her birthday this weekend. I still plan on writing about her, so if you change your mind, please send me any fond memories that you'd like to post.

Thanks.

Did you hear the one about...

Carol's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I know I'll be thinking of her that day, just like many of you. Not that I don't think of her every day that passes, but it'll be a special day of rememberance.

I'd like to celebrate her that day by sharing Carol moments with everyone. Please send me favorite stories or memories that you have of Carol. Whether they're full of emotions or good to make us laugh, I'd love to hear them all and bet others would, too.
Send to: popper53@sbcglobal.net

We bid farewell

I'm saddened to share that my boss (and once Carol's), Mike Muth, passed away yesterday morning. He was a great businessman and asset to the community. As the owner and CEO of the Muth companies, Mike had a strong presence within Muth Mirror Systems. Even as he was weaning himself slowly out of the business and nearing retirement, he always made time for his people and kept them a priority. Whenever he was in the office he would walk around and greet every employee, by name. I know Carol thought very highly of Mike. They talked often when he came in and stopped by the front office, where Carol sat.

Some of you may know Mike, or of him. Some not. Either way it's been a terrible blow to the company and one hell of a disappointing year.

http://sheboygan-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071115/SHE0101/711150482/1973

Everything changes in time

I've made a few subtle changes to the blog recently. Nothing extravagant, because I want it to remain Carol's blog. I think I have the time stamp thing figured out. It wasn't rocket science... just had to poke around in the settings. Oddly enough, even though I'm now in the correct time zone, it's still a few minutes off. But we're getting closer!
I also changed the comments area. You no longer have to create an account to leave a comment. Anyone can share their $.02, so please do! I'd love to hear what others are thinking and it's also a flag for me that people are actually reading this stuff.
Last, but certainly not least, I added a photo. It's one that makes me smile and sometimes I need that to lighten the mood, bring me back to reality and keep me focused.

I have to admit that last night the photo had a reverse effect on me. Pardon my french, but I got pissed off when I looked at it and relived the day it was taken. It was two days before Carol's birthday and I stopped by for my visit and a birthday hug. It was the first time she showed me her bald head. When I got home that night I sent her an email, telling her how much I missed her. I still have that message. This was the P.S.-

p.s. You without hair, didn't even phase me. I thought it might be uneasy for you to share that (maybe it was??) or uneasy for me on the receiving end. But you were still Carol, and I just looked at your face and that was it. It's just @!$!*#@! hair. You're the same awesome lady.

Dun, dun dun dun dun....Go Pack Go!

Need I say more?? What a crazy stretch of games the Packers have had. Yesterday was ridiculous! I was a little unsure of how the game would pan out with the Vikings. They've kicked our butts in the past and being 7-1 at the time... I just figured we were due to fall soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing the Pack and I want them to succeed as much as the next guy/gal, but all good things do come to an end eventually. Thank God this Sunday wasn't that time.

My heart goes out to all of you Minnesotans. It's gotta be tough walking out of that one not even scoring one point. And especially to a rival like the Pack.

I think this would have been a tough game for Carol to watch. I thought of her as soon as I saw the schedule on my fridge. She would have worn her Viking shirt on Friday and taken all the crap in the office. And we would have given it. Today she would have smiled and acknowledged the game that Brett and his teammates played. She saw the positive in almost everything.

Let's all do the wave now......

BOO!

Happy Halloween, everyone. It's time for the kids to have fun and the dentists to benefit. I'm not a huge candy person, but I do find myself picking out all the Snickers and PB cups after I put my girls to bed. But, I won't eat the PB cups until after they've been in the freezer for a few hours. I'm weird that way. The last few years I've noticed a lot of sugar alternatives on the market. It started with the mini micro popcorn, pretzel bags, and now there are even tiny playdough cans. I guess that's all good and fun and the kids will take a treat of any kind, unless we're talking apples. (I do remember receiving one apple in my life. I think that was when it was actually safe for a child to be outside alone.)For those of you taking the kids trick/treating tonight, have fun! And get some pictures of those costumes. For those of you celebrating an adult Halloween, take er easy! It's only Wednesday and that could make for a long rest of the week. Been there.

And doesn't this couple look like Fergie and Justin Timberlake??

Time is on my side

(no it's not!)

Occasionally the time stamp of these postings is relevant, and other times it is not. I can remember a few situations where it may have either looked like there was a post before the event actually happened, or as if I was sitting there with my laptop at that exact moment. Of course we all know that isn't true, because I do have somewhat of a life.

Anyway...an fyi. It appears that postings are usually stamped a few hours earlier than when I post them. (The last one was 2 hrs and 13 minutes off.) What the? Is that important to anyone? Maybe, maybe not. I just don't want to cause any confusion. I know in the past I had looked at the time when Carol blogged, for various reasons. It's probably some silly time zone thing, so I'm going with that.

There's no I in team

What a day.

Turns out nobody cared whether we had a ticket to get in or not. And it wasn't chaos at all with the racing going on. I don't even think there were people actually watching those stock cars going around the track. It appeared to be just "us". And even though there weren't any problems finding the team, I'll apologize for telling you all to meet by the wall. The wall wasn't. Instead of having a survivor wall standing tall, they had paper draped over tables by the registration area. So, a few changes here and there, but it all worked out.

We had a mixture of almost-rain, clouds, strong winds and sun. By starting time (noon) the clouds were clearing out and blue skies were bright. It made me smile...blue-sky days were important to Carol.

The walk was brisk and hard to predict! One corner brought fierce, strong winds into our faces that encouraged everyone to zip up a little higher and gasp a "good grief!"....then the next corner would be hot and we'd start shedding layers. My face is bright pink and warm tonight. I can't decide if it's sunburn or windburn, but I'm figuring maybe a product of both.

The star of the day was Carol's dad, Dick. Unbelievable. The guy is a machine. He lead the pack when we started out, carrying Carol's walking stick and a bright pink sign announcing that we were Carol's Crusaders. It bore a beautiful picture of Carol. As the team broke up here and there I passed Dick at one point, but always kept a close eye on him by the sign. He caught up, said hi to me, and then marched forward. That was the last I saw of him! A few of us tried to track the pink sign over the next few miles and it got further and further away from us, meaning that Dick was really cruising! He finished four miles in one hour and three minutes! We were so proud of our leader. Not bad for a 75-76 year old. (I apologize for the uncertainty there, Dick, but your daughter, Sue, wasn't sure how old you are....so she thinks that's your age.) :o)

Dominic was dubbed the "Pied Piper". He walked with all the young cousins...another moment that made me smile.

The walk was good, as was the company. The team really rocked this year.
Bert, we sure missed you!

We had a nice dinner at Brian's house after. Food was plentiful, the kids ran crazy outside and everyone enjoyed the time together to catch up and chat. I can't speak for everyone, but I felt a warm feeling tonight. (Maybe it was my burnt face....kidding!!) It was a day of Carol's favorite people, all together in one place. That gives me a warm fuzzy.

A huge thanks to Sue for all the organizing and team announcing. It was a job well done that does not go unappreciated. Thank you to Brian for opening up his home to us and hosting the dinner gathering, not to forget the Stecker family that did all the setup work. Thanks to Deb for inviting, reminding and dinner planning. Thanks to every member of the team for taking time out of their busy lives to walk today and raise the pledge money that could make a difference. And last but not least, a big thank you to all of those that read this blog and donated to this wonderful cause.

I must also extend a hug to those that provided fabulous therapy for me today. There were many, but words from Jerry and Kate stuck out. You're all good people.

Who found the golden ticket??

A few people have been asking today if the entrance tickets were coming in the mail. I didn't get mine...until I got home today and saw it in the mailbox, finally. You should get a small white postcard that has a little map on it. That is your entrance ticket. If you do not get yours by tomorrow (Friday), and the walk is creeping up right upon us, there is a ticket that you can print off from the American Cancer Society. Sue asked me to post it on the blog here, but the stupid software won't let me post an attachment. Grrr. Please call me or Sue and we will email you the ticket to print out.

They also said that they'll have a list of all registered participants at the gate, so I don't think that anyone will get kicked to the curb without a ticket.

Some of you know that there will be stock car races on Saturday, also. That is NEW to everyone. Usually the track is all ours and it's a very pleasant day/experience. We have NO idea why they booked two events of this size on the same day, but we're thinking it may be a little chaotic. Lord knows there are plenty of people there just for the cancer walk. I can't imagine what a zoo this may turn into, but let's all hope they know what they are doing. There are races in the morning, a break for us to walk, and then races in the aft. Ugh.

It could be a little tougher finding everyone by "the wall" than we had expected. Please call me or Sue if you have trouble. Most of us know a few people on the team, so keep your eyes open and do your best to find Carol's Crusaders. Sue will have a TEAM sign...and most of us should know some of the Stecker or Breiter crew.

Dress in layers, be prepared for some rain (cross fingers) and better early than late.
And thanks to all for being a part of this great team!!!
I know that Carol is looking down, incredibly proud.

What to wear, what to wear

Sue has all of the T-shirts for next Saturday (for those of you that registered before 10/15). If you'd like to pick yours up before the walk, she will be in Sheboygan by mid-afternoon on Friday, the 26th. She will be staying at the Sleep Inn off of I-43, just north of Oostburg.
You may contact Sue at 608-516-6811.

The day of the walk we will be meeting by "the wall" between 11:00-11:30. I would recommend checking in and submitting your donations before then. I don't know the official name of the wall, but it is where the survivors and family members may sign and/or leave messages for loved ones. It's not far from the starting line. If you have any problems finding the team, call Sue's cell (above).

This is by far a record number of team members and dollars raised for Carol's Crusaders.
Let's make it a great day!!

We interrupt this program

Sue has an important message for all walkers. Please read:

Hello Carol's Crusaders! I picked up the t-shirts today from the ACS in Madison, and found out something that is a HUGE change from years past. If anyone you know is planning to walk or come along as a spectator, but is not registered, get them registered! Since there is a Road America stock car race that day, Road America is requiring that all walkers AND spectators have an entrance ticket. Tickets will be mailed a week before the event, but will only be mailed to registered participants. (By registering before the 19th, the $15.00 registration fee will go to the American Cancer Society, rather than to Road America the day of the walk.) This applies to my family, for example. I only registered myself, even though all 5 of us are walking. I have to go in and register the other 4 members of my family so that we can all get in on race day. If you have any questions about this or any other walk details, give me a shout.

When does it stop hurting?

Yeah, I know it's been a while since I've show my face around here. I guess at times I'm either not sure of what to say, or I'm afraid to really say it. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I'm starting to doubt that. The pain may have eased a bit since July, but I'm still having a hard time coping with Carol's absence. I know I'm not alone and have recently chatted with family members and friends that are unsure of how to deal with their anger and frustration, too. Nobody has any answers. We just all miss Carol so much!

The RA walk is something I look forward to each year. It's an emotional event for most and a celebration of life for others. It's going to be tough this time. I always looked for Carol and the team at our "meeting spot" before the event started. During the walk we all talk of our families and the events going on in our lives. Even when the weather was cold, rainy or close to miserable (which was often the case), it was such an invigorating walk that we'd tend to forget about the dreary day surrounding us.

The last two months I have been excited about the walk getting closer. I can't wait to see all the family and friends again! I was anticipating some hard moments, but overall I thought it was going to be a day for us to celebrate Carol and put our happy hats on. Now that it's nearing...I'm a little nervous. Of course I'm still looking forward to seeing everyone, but there's this anxiety setting in. Ugh.....

Show me the money

Walkers:
For those of you that have registered online, but are receiving offline donations, you may enter those online. It's just a way to have all your pledges acknowledged in one big pot. And it raises our personal and team goals.

To enter offline donations:

Go to “My Progress” when you log in. There is a link above the Gift Summary (on the right side) that says “Enter Gifts Received Offline”.

Just FYI.
Scream if you have any questions.

TGIalmostF

Looks like our team is growing! Right now there are 15 team members registered online. I know there are a few that may be registering manually, also. And a huge thanks to Brian who has offered to hold our celebration dinner after the walk. It's going to be a great day!

The new season of Survivor starts tonight. Carol and I always talked on Friday mornings. We'd pick our favorite "players", comment on the challenges, and laugh at some of the great moments. I think she even got Brian hooked on it. I'm going to be a little bummed tomorrow morn, not having my go-to gal there.

Well, here's to wishing everyone a great weekend... it looks like the weather will be cooperating to the fullest, so enjoy!

Calling all walkers

Here's a small portion of Carol's Crusaders walking in 2005. Carol and I are in front (yellow and burgundy jackets).

For all of you looking to join the 2007 team....

There are two ways you can register for the Road America cancer walk. Either online, or manually if you are unable to go that route. But, if you're reading this I would assume that you have internet access, right?

Here is the address: http://main.acsevents.org/MW_RoadAmerica

I can't remember every detail, but it's fairly intuitive, so I'll give you the basic step-by-step.

When you go to the American Cancer Society website there will be a button to Join a Team. Enter the team name (Carol's Crusaders) and hit the search. When you click on the team name (towards the bottom of the page) it'll show Sue Chambers as the team captain. You can then "Join".

There is a $15 registration fee, which you pay online. Then just keyin your name and all associated info that goes along with being you. There will be a few other questions, including your Tshirt size. Each year they give out long sleeve Ts.

When you're done registering you can go to the Participation Center to setup your own personal donor page. You don't have to do this part if you don't want to do the donations online. Sue and I will have forms available if you'd rather go the paper route. If you DO wish to setup the page, have some fun with it. You can be creative and write anything you want. Then you can email all your friends (through the page) and they can donate online. Again, all kinda cool. Here's what my page looks like.

Click here to visit KB's personal page.

Click here to view the team page for Carol's Crusaders

So, following this so far?

You can also view the team data...see who's all joined and how much money has been raised so far. It's all right at your fingertips.

If you'd like to register manually, please contact Sue at: sue9768@gmail.com and she'll be able to help you out. If you register online, but would like to write your donations on paper, you may contact me popper53@sbcglobal.net or Sue, and we will get the form to you.

If you have any questions, please contact either one of us and we'll be happy to help you out. If you are unable to walk, but would like to donate, let us know!

We're hoping for a good size team this year and many more to come.
Again, the date is Saturday, October 27th.

Our team wants you

I'm going to make this quick because I don't have much time right now, but I have all the information available for the Road America cancer walk on October 27th. "Carol's Crusaders" is a registered team, just as it was in the past years. You may register online or manually, whichever you prefer. (The online method is pretty cool, so I'd recommend that.) I will post details on how to do this by the end of the day....gotta run!

Side note: I hear Dominic had a pretty good first week of school and band was fun. Gotta like that.

Backpacks and new shoes

It's time to get out the pencils and books and prepare for the teacher's dirty looks.

Back to school again! Being a parent of two, I have to admit that there are always emotions associated with this day, no matter how old the children are. Either we're happy to get them back into the routine and schedule, or we're sad to let them go into that world that we have little control over.

I've been thinking about Dominic and hope that school in Mankato will be a good fit for him. I heard that he was looking forward to it, so that's a great start. It shouldn't take long for him to make new friends and get into the swing. He has a lot of people looking out for him, so he'll be fine. Good luck to him!!

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

It is SUCH a beautiful day out there. I would almost consider it perfect. Not a cloud, mid 70s, dry air, tiny breeze. Can't really think of what could make it any better.

Funny how the weather can really make or break a person's day. It makes us happy to have the sun shining on our face... and crabby when it's pouring cats and dogs and we have to run to our car parked waaay over there. A pretty snowfall makes for a fun day to get cozy in the house and watch the ginormous flakes come down... but then we get cranky when we are breaking our backs with snow removal.

The weather also gives us something to talk about. How many times a day do you hear people bring it up at work or at the store? And not only today's weather, but what the weekend is going to bring, as well. It's also a conversation starter when you meet someone new. "Boy, sure is windy out there today, huh?"

The weather affects our mental health in a number of ways, but today it's all about sunshine, so let's concentrate on that. If you're going golfing, working on the yard or just having a beer on the deck with friends... enjoy this beautiful day. Make it a positive one.

It Won't Be Easy

A family member asked me to post a special message.

Next week Friday, the 31st, is Brian & Carol's wedding anniversary. It's going to be an incredibly hard day for Brian, as you would imagine. Please remember him next week, especially on Friday. Send a card, give him a call, anything that you think may help him get through it.

Save the Date

Oops...I failed to mention that the date for the 2008 Rally For The Cure is already set. It will be Saturday, August 9th, at Sunset Hills. Please mark your calendars now if you'd like to golf and/or volunteer. Debby Thorn told me that they are ALWAYS looking for new people to jump in and help out! If you'd like to be included on the volunteer list or are looking for additional information, please contact Debby at Debby.Thorn@kohler.com or Ed at 920.467.0780.

Let's make next year's event even bigger and more successful!

If Only It Grew On Trees

The golf rally was a big success! Over $21,000 was raised this year!

There were over 250 golfers and plenty of others that stopped in for a burger and a beer. The sun was shining and there was this sense of unity with everyone...all coming together for this great cause. Kudos to Ed, Amy and all of the friends, family and volunteers that made this special event happen.

We've Come to a Decision...

Hello, all.

I wasn't sure where to go with Carol's blog at this point. Some have told me that they still go back to read entries, or that they would like it to stick around indefinitely just because. It began as a tool for Carol to share her progress, medical jargon and feelings with all of us. I can't speak for everyone, but based on the number of people that have approached me since Carol asked me to take it over, I think it really served it's purpose.

Carol said she trusted me with it, and I feel honored to have that come from someone that was such a natural writer. After talking to some of her family members, I have decided to use Carol's Connection as a home base for all information Carol-related. I'll post any cancer fund-raising events, special things done in her memory and hopefully some cancer treatment break-throughs, as well. Although Carol's memory is held strong within all of us, this can be another way to keep the cause she fought for alive.

If anybody would like me to post information to share, please get in touch.

For those of you golfing at Sunset Hills this weekend, pay special attention to hole #5. A tree will be dedicated to Carol tomorrow night and there is a plaque with her name on it.

A special thank you goes out to Brian's sister, Penny, for getting pink "In Loving Memory of Carol Stecker" Tshirts made up for everyone that is golfing and/or doing the Road America cancer walk in October. We all really appreciate the effort involved.

Speaking of the cancer walk...Sue and I will be co-captains for team "Carol's Crusaders" this year. More info on that coming soon.

It's been a rough couple weeks and I know these events coming up are just going to stir up the ole emotional pot for everyone. We all miss her like mad. What gets me through each day is knowing that she's still there whenever I need to talk, just like she always was.

-Kristi B

Just A Little Plug Here...

I spoke with Tim Renzelmann today, the Vice President of the Sheboygan County Cancer Care Fund. http://www.scccf.org/
I have done volunteer work for him in the past. He's a great guy and a cancer survivor, as well.

He said that he has already received phone calls in regards to donations in Carol's memory. I was pleased to hear that! Keep them coming! Please contact Tim if you are able to make a donation of any size; it is a wonderful organization. Just be sure to include that it is in memory of Carol Stecker.

Also...the annual golf outing "Rally For The Cure" is coming up this August. Please visit the Sunset Hills website for more information. http://www.sunsethills-golf.com/rally

Thank You!!

Black Is Not A Color

Carol Marie (Breiter) Stecker, 42, of N1995 Wittwood Road, Oostburg, closed her eyes and met her God on Sunday morning, July 15, 2007. She died in the comfort of her home, with her loving family by her side as a result of the breast cancer that had overtaken her body. She was at peace with her fate, but deeply saddened to be leaving her loved ones behind.

Carol was born on December 15, 1964, to Richard (Dick) and Therese (Girten) Breiter in Mankato, MN.

She grew up in Mankato, and graduated from Loyola High School in 1983. She attended Cornell College in Mt. Vernon, IA.

In 1991 Carol was blessed by the birth of her only child, Dominic Richard Breiter. He brought great joy and laughter to her life. Some of Carol's fondest memories were tied to Dominic's sense of humor.

Carol spent ten years working in the movie theatre industry; managing theatres in MN, IN, KY, and WI. Carol loved to travel and satisfied her wanderlust by working in the hospitality industry for a number of years at hotels in MN and GA, a resort in the San Juan Islands of WA, and on a cruise ship in HI.

Carol and Dominic moved to Sheboygan in 1996 and this area became their home. At the time, Carol worked for Big Brothers & Big Sisters of Sheboygan County. Her co-workers there remained close in heart, always, especially Sheryl Schuesler. Most recently Carol was employed by Muth Mirror Systems in Sheboygan as an Administrative Coordinator and greatly enjoyed the variety of her work. She leaves behind there her best friend, Kristi Biederwolf.

In 1999 Carol met the love of her life, Brian S. Stecker. She always said he was worth the wait! Brian was by her side in 2001 when she was initially diagnosed with breast cancer and remained there throughout her treatments. In December of that year he proposed and Brian and Carol married August 31, 2002, in a big, beautiful outdoor wedding in their back yard.

Carol bowled several years on the 'Stecker Construction' women's bowling team and on a couples bowling league. She enjoyed snowmobiling while she was able, and golfing with Brian at Sunset Hills Golf Course, owned by their friends Ed and Amy Kirchenwitz. She loved family gatherings, trips to Mexico, Dominic's drumming, Brian's softball games, Christmas, lunch with Deb (Jeff) Thorn, dining out with friends, and everyday activities with those closest to her. She was an unusual football fan in that she rooted for both the Minnesota Vikings and the Green Bay Packers. Laughter truly was her best medicine.

Carol was one of seven children and Brian is one of nine. Carol always felt blessed that she came from such a wonderful family and then made it even better by adding the many Steckers to her family tree. In addition to her parents, Dick and Therese Breiter of Mankato, husband, Brian and son, Dominic, both of Oostburg; Carol is survived by three sisters, Mary Breiter (husband Scott Pratt and nephews Alex and Aaron) of Eugene, OR; Kathy Ramirez (husband Anthony and nephews Lorenzo and Zachary) of Milwaukee; Sue Chambers (husband Larry, niece Kaitlyn and nephews Jacob and Owen) of DeForest; and three brothers; Joe Breiter (wife Chersti Hanson) of Minneapolis, MN; Jerry Breiter (wife Roberta Jensen), and Dave Breiter (wife Kate and nephews Mark and Joseph), both of Mankato, MN. Carol's in-laws include her mother-in-law, Romaine (Gordy) Stecker-Bruggink of Oostburg; brothers-in-law: Lonnie Stecker (wife Brenda, nephew Joe and niece Nikki and her family) of Oostburg; Dale Stecker (wife Tammy and nephews Andres, Joshua, Kyle, Jacob, Josiah, and nieces Kaitlyn and Alicia) of Oostburg; Larry Stecker (nieces Ashley and Jordan and nephew Zachary) of Gibbsville, WI; and Tom Stecker (Dawn and nephews David, Alex and Tommy) of Hingham, WI; and sisters-in-law; Wendy Hendrikse (husband Kevin and niece Samantha and nephew Travis) of Oostburg; Julie DeMaster (husband Mike and nephews Arin and Matthew) of Oostburg; Penny Wychesit (husband Felix and nieces Chelsea, Courtney, Mary and nephew Tyler) of Gibbsville; and Debbie Harmeling (husband Joel, nephews Nicholas, Drake, Alex and niece Elizabeth) of Hingham, WI; and also Brian's stepchildren; Becky Lukens (and her children April and Jordan),of Cedar Grove and Brandon Lukens of Plymouth. Carol is further survived by many aunts, uncles, and over 50 cousins.

Carol was preceded in death by her grandparents, several uncles and her father-in-law, Thomas Stecker, Sr.

Friends may greet the family at the Wenig Funeral Home in Oostburg, WI, on Tuesday, July 17, 2007, from 3 pm to 8 pm, and on Wednesday, at church, from 9 am until the time of services.

Funeral services will be held at the First Reformed Church in Oostburg, WI, at 10 am, Wednesday, July, 18, 2007, with the Rev. Wayne DeVrou officiating. Entombment will follow at the Gardens of Peace in the Town of Sheboygan.

Online condolences may be sent to wenig@wenigfuneralhome.com

In lieu of flowers, Carol has requested that donations be made to the Sheboygan County Cancer Care Fund.

Additionally, Carol's wish is that no one will wear black to her funeral. Wear bright, happy colors. Celebrate her life, do not mourn her death. She wants to look down upon those gathered and see a wave of colors, as if viewing a field of flowers.

A very special thank you to Dr. Kumar and the oncology angels at the Vince Lombardi Cancer Clinic in Sheboygan. You, truly, are miracle workers.

The staff at the Wenig Funeral Home, 108 Center Avenue, Oostburg, WI 53070, (920-564-2771) is serving the Stecker family.

The Sheboygan Press

July 16, 2007

And Then There Were None

....days left of suffering.

Carol Marie Stecker passed away this morning at 8:10am.

She took her last breath and then there was peace. Dominic never left her side. He spent yesterday afternoon with her and was there throughout the night. He's still with her now.

I know they gave her 7 months, so this may come as a little bit of a shock to some, but it was time. We've been watching her health change every day and knew it was going to be soon. Some of us prayed that it would be this weekend because the whole Breiter family was here. I think she was waiting for that time, and after she had the final talk with them, then she was ready.

Arrangements are in progress and will be posted soon.

Please remember Carol today and always, as she was. With her infectious smile and positive outlook on life. She will forever be in our hearts and our souls. God bless her.

-Kristi B

Family Is Where It All Begins

Carol has had some ups and downs the last few days, but she's hanging in there. The nurses say that her heartbeat and blood pressure are good. The breathing still seems to be an issue, but they gave her oxygen last night and it helped. She's also become a bit nocturnal lately, so her sleeping patterns are a bit off whack. The most important thing right now is that she's not in a lot of pain. A bit uncomfortable at times, but not hurting. She was a bit weak this morning, but some rest may help.

The Breiter family said the hospice staff has been wonderful. There are social workers and nurses that are working with Carol and the family members. Not only is this an important step for Carol's well-being, but it's been a huge assistance to the family, also.

Brian and Carol have both been blessed with such fantastic, large families. From everything Carol has told me about them, along with the kind people I have met on both sides, I couldn't imagine Carol having a better support group. Both the Steckers and the Breiters have bent over backwards to do whatever they can for these two and Dominic. Right now the Steckers have been keeping everyone well fed and the Breiters have been able to give Carol the warmth that she needs.

Home again home again, jiggity jig

Carol is back where she belongs. I wouldn't exactly say that she's resting right now because she seems a little antsy, but she should be getting a nap in later this aft. Hospice is going to be visiting first. I don't have a lot of info on what they'll be doing for her at this time. All Carol really said is that they were going to help her breathe because that was becoming difficult. That will be done with medication. She'll probably schedule regular visits with them and then she can call inbetween if need be.

There won't be any more radiation or treatments of any kind. Carol talked to Dr. K this morn (he's the one that released her from the hospital) and they made the decision to stop. I don't think she plans on seeing him anymore because they had their good-bye hugs. A big thanks to him for everything he has done over the years.

Dominic has literally been by her side since she got home and her family is all coming in tomorrow to be with her. She'll be surrounded by those that love her...all she really needs.

The Fight of a True Survivor

Hello, all. It's just me, Kristi B (aka KB). For those of you that don't know me - Carol and I started out as coworkers and became close friends very quickly. She has asked me to be her voice from now on. I will try to stick with the facts and put all emotions aside, although it won't be easy.

You've probably read Carol's last entry and know that the spread to her brain has put her in a bad place. She got a prognosis last week Tuesday and they gave her approx. 7 months. She has been through the ringer and has told me many times that she wants it to be sooner. She's ready to make peace.

Right now she's in the hospital. She made the decision to be admitted last night, mainly because she is lacking nutrition and the discomfort is becoming unbearable. She's had problems with her throat since a procedure was done a few weeks ago and she hasn't been able to put any food or liquid down. After seeing her today it appears that she has made a little bit of progress and is taking some steps with getting the nutrition she desperately needs. They have her on an IV and she's had some soft foods and drink.

She has a meeting with hospice care today. Their main goal is to make her comfortable and give her the quality of life that she needs at this point, mentally and physically. They will take care of her at home and hopefully put her in a much better place. She had started radiation on her brain last week, along with steroids, to reduce the swelling, but today they decided to put that on hold. Not sure if they'll continue this week or not. Carol would rather not, but the doctors think it's an important step. She should be talking to Dr. K tomorrow to make that decision. In the mean time she will continue the steroids.

Carol said you shouldn't plan on hearing from her anymore. I will keep you updated on where she's at. I know you all have a lot of questions and visit this blog daily to find out how she's doing. I sure don't have that way with words like Carol does, but I'll do my best.

And....I'm not sure what else to say. Those are most of the facts and I said I wouldn't get emotional. It's been a long week for many of us and as hard as it is for us to see Carol suffer like this, you have to know that she is ready to say her good-byes and put the pain aside. She's fought a damn good fight and kudos to her for being the toughest, most courageous woman I have ever met. She is truly one of a kind.

I Hope You're Sitting Down

After the 2 litres of fluid came off my lung on Wed, we did the scope on Thurs. Before scoping I received platelets cuz my numbers were poor, and after the scope I received 2 units of blood for the same reason. Dr Sokhi banded off 6 varices again. That's quite a few. Have had probs eating/swallowing since then.

Now is where you sit...feeling 'off' today so I went in to see Dr K. He decided an MRI was in order and we discovered spots on my brain. NOT good!! He put me on a steroid right away today and I'll start radiation immediately tomorrow. I'm afraid we'll soon be running out of treatment options.

In a daze right now. Not sure what else to say....

Home

I know for a fact that I'm home because I ended up spending the afternoon in the hospital. They drew another two litres of fluid off of my right lung again. Although when I got home I took a little nap and the phone rang and I had no idea where I was...home, hospital, Mankato??? It was strange.

Tomorrow I have a gastroscopy in the afternoon. Those drugs knock me out so I'm sure I won't be bloging then.

Head is very woozy now and stomach not quite right. So I'm signing off. More at a later date...

A Little Off

Here I am, still in MN, feeling a little "off." Although better today, I've had a rough couple of days lately. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day since we'll need to be driving home.

The trip here was good with Dominic doing the 4-lane driving. I imagine we'll do the same thing on the way back.

We've watched all levels of baseball while here. Mark had his games on Mon & Wed with his daddy coaching. We went and saw the Mankato Moon Dogs play last Tuesday. And we've watched Twins ball on TV.

We also celebrated my Aunt Midge's 50th Jubilee. It was quite the nice celebration. And while I felt pretty crummy that day it was nice to see so many aunts, uncles and cousins. Once again I am amazed at how many people tell me they read my blog. The corresponding prayers are greatly, greatly appreciated!!

Wed brings another shot of Aranesp, and Thurs holds a follow-up gastroscopy. I hope that nothing unusual shows up. I have had bad problems with the blood clots in my mouth again though. No...I don't know why, or what causes them. I just know they have me awake pretty much every single hour at night. The lip/chin numbness is still there and has not changed at all. Unfortunately, I've bit the inside of my lip several times now and it's pretty raw. That I can feel!

Thank you for your continued love, prayers, and support. This "trial" is made somewhat easier knowing I have the gift of family and friends by my side.

Minnesota Bound

I am going to be leaving again for MN on Saturday for another 10-day visit. This time Dominic is going with me so we'll be driving. Brian is too busy to be able to go with us, or to be spending much time at home during the days or evenings. So once again the change of scenery and time with my family will be really nice.

I had my one month check-up yesterday with Dr. K. We did a round of Zometa (bone strengthener) since I've been having this discomfort. We also increased the Fentanyl dosage in my patches. Hopefully all of that will help to ease the pain. Still no solid explanation as to why I have the numbness in my lip and chin. Dr K said it could be from a cancer lesion pressing on a nerve, or it could be Bell's Palsey. It hasn't gotten any worse, but it hasn't improved any either. I also have some numbness/tingling in the finger tips of my left hand.

I may or may not get around to blogging while in MN. That remains to be seen. In the meantime, I hope all of you are well and happy and enjoying your summers!

What now?

I woke up yesterday morning with the left side of my lower lip and the left side of my chin feeling mostly numb. They're still that way today. I've got a call in to the clinic to see what they think this might be. No pain, no tooth ache, no discomfort, no obvious trauma. Just this very odd numbness. Fortunately my face looks normal and I don't have a fat lip or sagging chin or anything.

I think it may soon be time to have the fluid drained from around my right lung again. I'm not really short of breath, but I do hear some faint wheezing sometimes. I'll probably hold off until I see Dr K next week though to get something set up. Since I've managed to go so long this time with draining, I don't think we'll have to resort to the very involved chest tube and can just drain it like we did the last two times. I'll let you know what happens with that.

I had a pretty good weekend. Got out of the house a bit with Brian on both Saturday and Sunday. I'm kind of sick of the clouds though and look forward to the next all/mostly sunny day to arrive.

Both my mother and mother-in-law have birthdays at the end of this week so, if you're so inclined, please say a special prayer for each of them.

Have to go flip the laundry from the washer to the dryer now. Big excitement for my Monday!

I hate waiting around for this phone to ring, but I really need to hear something from the clinic. I'll let you know what they decide this new strangeness might be from...

No Suckers

My dad was collecting money for a raffle his men's club was having at his church. Most every day I was in Mankato we would make a bank run and, big kid that he is, my dad would come out with suckers for each of us. It made me feel like a little kid again to be out running errands, just me and my dad, and being treated to a sucker from the bank. How sad on Tuesday when I ran to the bank in Sheboygan - by myself - and didn't get a sucker. Yes, I'm home.

I had a really good week with my parents. We didn't do anything major but it was nice to always have someone around and someone to eat with and play cards with and just sit next to and read the paper. My parents are just plain wonderful and I plan to go back again soon when the walls close in again. As a bonus, I got to spend time with all three of my brothers, their wives, and Mark and Joey. I also was able to visit with my Aunt Midge. It was just the perfect week for me.

While I was there I did battle a low grade fever for about a day and a half. When I got home I thought it was all in my head that I was feeling down and out, but it turns out my blood was messed up again and I ended up in the hospital yesterday for a blood transfusion. I didn't get home until 10:00 last night. Back to reality!

I have decided that I'm probably only going to blog once a week now. My guess is that I'll try to do it on Sundays or Mondays as a re-cap of the previous week. There's just not enough going on in my world to warrant anything more frequent than that. It will also save all of you from checking every day and finding nothing and wondering what's going on.

Time to go pop a pill or two to try and control another fever that's going on right now. It should help with some of these aches I'm feeling also. It may be time to increase the Fentanyl dosage for pain as my hips and legs have been bothering me more and more lately. I'll see Dr K in two weeks and discuss it with him at that time.

You're all in my prayers. I hope I remain in yours as well.

Where's Carol?

I'm not at home. I'm not in Sheboygan County. I'm not even in the state of Wisconsin. I had an opportunity to come to MN with my folks and I jumped at it! I just had to get away from the walls that were closing in on me and the long silences at home being alone all day long. Already this is a great improvement. I really haven't done much that's different here, but the scenery is changed. They have a big, bright window in their living room I can look out and watch traffic go by and hear neighborhood noises and watch the silly chipmunks scurry by. I don't have any of that at home. We're a lot more "private" living where we do than I ever really realized. I'll be flying home on Memorial Day to be reunited with my guys.

I've had some problems with my legs recently. In fact, they gave out from under me one evening. I don't know who it scared more...me, or Deb and Amy who were with me at the time. I haven't had another incident but I am constantly aware of how they feel now and am extra cautious on the steps.

Graduation weekend in Beloit was really nice with my family all together. I'm very thankful that it all worked out and I was mostly feeling up to all of the activities. There was still napping involved and I was worn out by the time I got home, but it was all worth it. I also was able to see my brother-in-law, Anthony, graduate the following weekend as part of this trip to MN. It just worked out since I was traveling with my parents.

It was 80 degrees here yesterday with a nice breeze blowing to keep the air moving. It was a perfect day. I was even comfortably warm (while everyone else was hot). Today is supposed to be similar, but with a slight chance of rain. Nephew, Mark, has a program at school tomorrow night which we're going to try to attend. I ran a bunch of errands with my Dad yesterday and that was nice. Even here I still need to get out of the house.

So I guess that's about it for now. My tumor marker number is up to 944, but no one seems too surprised by that since we're not doing any treatments right now. I am getting a boost for my red blood cells every other week with a shot of Aranesp. I just wish I would start to get some of my energy back...soon!

Have a good week everyone and a safe holiday weekend. I'll check back in once I'm home. Please keep the prayers coming my way. I need some strength and energy and peace of mind at home.

I Feel Good!

That's all. Just wanted to post something 100% positive! I feel good today, the weather is beautiful right now, and all is well in my corner of the world. Hope you are feeling the same!!

Loooong Weekend

Yes, it was long. Why? Because I was stuck in the hospital from Fri at 3pm until about 9 this morning. I developed a fever of 103.7 on Friday and I couldn't get it to come down. So they admitted to the hospital to get iv antibiotics. I was really ready to come home yesterday but they made me stay over one more night.

NOW I need to start the upward trend again and feel like a million bucks by the weekend. I just can't miss out on this family affair that's coming up!

I'm very sleepy as I did not sleep well at the hospital at all. There's definitely a nap in my future this morning/afternoon. At the moment the sun is shining and it looks beautiful outside. Nice to come home to that, rather than rain and grey skies.

I must thank my friend, Kay, for her consistancy in sending me such beautiful and comforting cards. She sends something at least every other week, if not every single week and I always look forward to that. Thank you Kay!! You're so wonderful!

And thank you, also, to Amy and Carol who each came to visit me in the hospital. While they were discouraging me having any visitors besides Brian and Dominic, these two both stopped up to see me and were most welcome and appreciated. So were the phone calls from family and friends. It helped to make the time go a little quicker. I'm sorry I don't always call and let folks know when I'm in there. Most often I don't have my list of phone numbers with me, and I need to get a long distance calling card to reach any of you who are further away. I'll try to remember to purchase one of those next time I'm in the store.

Ok, all for now. Really, really sleepy and the fingers aren't typing so well. I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers!

Lost!

I seem to be missing my ankles, and I have a lot more foot than I need. Things have swollen up with retained fluids now and I have elephant legs! It's terrible. Fortunately, it isn't uncomfortable at all, but it is a challenge to get my shoes on.

I spent Monday afternoon at the clinic with my parents where I received iv fluids and they did more blood work. I did have a "minor" reaction to the transfusion, so I'm not sure what that means for any future blood I may require. I'm just extremely pleased to be past the worst of it all.

I am feeling so much better today. In fact, I even ventured out on my own in the truck to go pick up a prescription at Wally World. It was a major deal for me. I was wiped out by the time I got home...but that store is huge and I needed other things from one end to the other. There was a definite sense of accomplishment that came with the trip!

In addition to my parents being here Monday afternoon/night, my sister, Sue, and her little boy, Owen, were here as well. It was so great to wake up Tuesday morning and have other people in the house. I can't even begin to explain what a difference it made in my mood and my enjoyment of the morning. Thank you to the four of you for being here for me!!

Now the push is on to just feel better and better so I can have energy and oomph for our family get-together over Mother's Day weekend. My oldest nephew, Alex, is graduating from college, and another nephew, Zachary, is celebrating his birthday. It should be quite the party weekend and I can't wait...especially after being cheated out of MN this past weekend. Please keep me in your prayers that this upward trend continues!

Huge Dissapointment

I'm supposed to be in MN right now but plans fell through when I ended up in the emergency room early yesterday morning. We still don't know what the exact problem is, but it seems likely that I had a bad reaction to the blood transfusion I received on Wednesday. The other possibility is an infection of some kind, but we have to wait for blood cultures, etc., to see what they show.

I was sooo looking forward to seeing Mighty Mark and his family this weekend...not to mention just getting out of the house. Hard to even enjoy the warm, sunny day today when I have such a high fever.

I think the worst part of this is that we had just made the decision to stop chemo treatments for a while so I'd feel decent, and now I feel like crud anyway. It's always something!

On a totally unrelated note, my hair seems to be coming back slowly. It's very straight and very, very gray. There's not much there to speak of, but I can still tell there's more salt than pepper.

My guys are out tonight so I guess I'll go curl up on the couch and watch some Brewers.

What Was I Saying?

Oh yes..."semi-regular"...

I was back in the hospital yesterday to get another blood transfusion and some iv fluids. Then today I seemed to have a bit of a reaction to the blood and ended up with a fever. That seems to be under control now with the good ol' extra strength Tylenol.

After a couple of rough days this week I sat down with Dr K yesterday and we decided to stop chemo treatments for a while (3 months?) to let my body try to do some "healing" on it's own. My system doesn't seem to be able to take much more and we've beat up my bone marrow pretty good. The hope is to start having some days of feeling more human, potentially enjoy the summer a bit more, but keep monitoring things with monthly appointments at the clinic.

In the long run is this the right decision? There's no way to know. BUT, the idea of feeling 'good' is so appealing right now that it's a chance I'm willing to take, and Dr K and other staff members seem to agree.

So while I'll continue with all my home meds, there won't be any actual chemo drugs administered for a little while. The biggest immediate concern is whether or not the fluid will come back around my lungs. Time will tell...time will tell a lot of things. But for now I'm optimistic that there will be some happy days ahead when I feel like I'm able to leave the house for places other than just the clinic or hospital. Maybe even a long-awaited visit to Muth!

Off to MN this weekend for Mighty Mark's first communion. High hopes of getting past the fever issues and enjoying their predicted 80 degree high temp with sunshine!! Say a little prayer we're able to hit the road without a problem.

Semi-Regular

I recognize most of them, and most of them recognize me. That's how it works when you become a semi-regular patient at the hospital. Even if it's on an out-patient basis. Why do I bring this up now? Because I spent most of my day in one of their semi-comfy beds yesterday.

In the morning I had a bloody nose that wouldn't stop and bleeding gums that wouldn't stop. I was a mess. Add to that some kind of funky vision problems and it was time to call the clinic. They ran some tests, did some basic stuff, then sent me off to the hospital for a unit of blood and some platelets. Dr K also added another drug to my daily regime, something that will hopefully get all this bleeding under control. Unfortunately it's 2 pills, 4 times/day. That's a lot more pills to start sending through my system. And I imagine there will be side effects to one extent or another.

The sun is shining here again today. Time to ride along with Brian to go get some fresh fish for the pond. Ours did not fare too well this past winter. A road trip may do me some good...

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Full House

I can't believe a full week has gone by since the 'gang' stopped by. Last Thursday evening the doorbell rang and in walked 11 close friends (both adults and children). Brian knew they were coming but it was a complete surprise to me! What a great treat. "Thank You" just seems so inadequate sometimes...but I truly am thankful for Dave & Linda, Deb, Jeff & Aaron, Ed, Amy, Andrea & Ellis, and Sara & Rachel. Missing from the group were Tom, but also Dave and Faye. This is a core group of friends that I became part of after meeting Brian. What fantastic people each and every one of them is.

Over the weekend we actually got to go up and see Dave & Faye, just north of Antigo. The weather was nice and I felt half-way decent the whole time. Three weeks off of treatment will do that for a person. I knew I needed to get away from here. I didn't realize how badly I needed to get away until I was actually gone. It was tremendous therapy. And our hosts were so accomodating and wonderful.

I did come back to treatment on Monday and have been feeling crummy since then. Yesterday was especially bad, but today is an improvement. Could it be today's sunshine is helping to improve both the mental and physical side effects? Hard to say.

We have an appointment this afternoon with the attorney to update our wills. It's something I've been meaning to do for a year or two now, but my stay in the hospital last month made me realize it's time to be responsible and get it done so I can get it filed away.

Time to try and eat something again and hopefully not get the belly churning. One of the pills I take needs to be taken with food. Tough to do with no appetite and no guarantee it's going to stay down.

Hope the sun is shining wherever you are today!

419!

Need I say more?

The tumor marker number dropped back by over half after starting this new chemo. So, obviously, it was the right decision. It would be great to cut it in half again over the course of this next month. Then...maybe...we could eliminate some of these other drugs that leave me feeling so lousy.

Like most of you, we have a cold, snowy, blowy day here today. I'm not liking it at all!! We could stand to be blessed with sunshine and warmer temps. This has turned into an incredibly loooong winter!

Too Low To Go

Numbers were on the low side today so we could not proceed with treatment. I wasn't too surprised by this since I haven't been feeling very good. No transfusion is necessary at this point yet, though, so that's a good thing. I did get the Zometa and Aranesp and a shot of Neupogen. The Neupogen I'll receive each day this week and then we'll check labs again on Monday to see if we can proceed with treatment at that time. I'm also back on a pill called Femara that I took about two years ago. It's one of those things where it can be revisited and maybe have some positive results again. It acts as a hormone inhibitor, similar to Tamoxifen.

While I still may have a little fluid around my lungs yet, my breathing has not been a problem so we're not going to do anything "dramatic" at this time. That's a big relief to me.

I want to thank June for her nice long letter telling me of her trip to Mexico. It was just what I had hoped to receive when I put out the request. Thanks to Wendy, also, who had photos along on Easter to share. What fun!

I did manage to get out on Easter for both church and to Brian's mom's house. It was good therapy to be surrounded by family and just watch all the goings-on. I didn't feel very good, but it was worth it to me to not sit at home.

All for now as it is nap time. I hope all of you had wonderful, joy-filled Easter celebrations!

I'll probably blog again tomorrow with an updated tumor marker number...

First Try

I am pleased and proud to report that Dominic passed his road test first try yesterday! Sure, he lost some points, but still passed. It's a relief cuz it's one less hassle to deal with.

Feeling fairly yucky today. May have to break down and call the clinic this afternoon yet or tomorrow. I hate to do it, but I'm not enjoying my "off" week as much as I'd hoped...again. It's just always something!!

So far my version of spring cleaning has been to clean out two drawers and all of my purses. Now, granted, this took me three days to accomplish, but it's still a minor success on my part. I found lots of spare change in my purses. And I threw away lots of garbage in my drawers (like receipts from Xmas '05 --- that kind of thing). Next will hopefully be my file cabinet, but that task seems quite daunting. It's definitely on hold until I have a better day again.

I'm back to having lots of bloody noses and, even worse, blood clots in my mouth. It greatly affects my sleep at night. Obviously this is chemo related again. I'll have to bring it up with Dr K next week.

This cold, blustery day is doing nothing to help my mood. The wind gusts are terrible, but at least the giant snow flakes have stopped swirling around. (Oops! I take it back. Just looked outside and they're back in the air again.)

Going to try and take a short nap now...

Computer Problem Solved

Hi Folks. Sorry to have not been in contact sooner but our computer was misbehaving. Thanks Deb for the solution! (I won't go into the easy fix for fear of embarrassing myself.)

So anyway...I had a treatment last Wednesday. This was the second round with the new Navelbine chemo drug. I went without the steroids this time and managed to sleep that night with no problem. I've had some tired and queasy days, but no actual nausea. So while I still feel fairly crummy, it could be a whole lot worse.

We did a chest x-ray again on that Wed morning and there was a little bit of fluid that had returned around the right lung again. For now we're just keeping an eye on it. The hope is that this chemo will do it's thing and prevent that fluid from building up. My breathing is the best indicator and so far I haven't had a problem taking a deep breath. Since I don't want to have to undergo any kind of surgery, let's all pray that the fluid stays away.

Dominic had a great week in MN over his spring break! Thanks to everyone there for entertaining, transporting, feeding, and playing with him. Tomorrow is the big day of his road test. Keep your fingers crossed! This Mom isn't as optimistic as she'd like to be.

No Place Like Home

There's no place like home, especially when you haven't been here for a few days. Even more so when those days have been spent in the hospital.

I woke up Wednesday feeling just a little more crummy than usual. Then I started throwing up blood and had to have Brian drive me to the E.R. Thank goodness he was home! We got to the hospital around 11 or 11:30 that morning and by early afternoon I was admitted. I had ruptured some varices in my esophagus (you may remember they came up as a potential issue at the end of December). So on Thursday we did the same scope procedure we had done back then and Dr. Sokhi banded them off to stop/prevent further bleeding. It left me with some sharp pains just below my sternum.

In addition, my breathing had become labored again. Even though they drew a litre of fluid off my lungs last Thursday (the 15th) there was more fluid built up again. This time they got 2 1/2 litres! The doctor said it's the most he's ever drawn. If the fluid comes back again they will have to do a more involved surgical procedure that involves a chest tube and the injection of some talc to sort of close off the space that allows the fluid to build. We'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it.

I was finally discharged from the hospital this morning (Sunday, the 25th). It was a long several days and my room seemed to shrink by the hour. All seems to be fairly ok right now though. Please keep praying that it remains that way and that this is the end of the fluid build-up. The chemo can potentially keep it from coming back.

I'm scheduled for shots each day again this week and for another chemo treatment on Wednesday. I will say that it was reassuring to see a different oncologist who agrees with all that Dr. K is doing. I trust Dr. K's judgment and his decisions, but there's no harm in hearing the same kinds of things from other doctors. In this case it was from my original oncologist who first treated me back in 2001. He happened to be the doctor on call this weekend.

I guess that's all for now. Thank you for the many prayers, visitors, flowers, hugs, cards, gifts, poems and drawings! And thank you for all of the love!!

Keeping it Brief

The results of the lab work on the fluid from around my lungs showed NO cancer cells! This is very reassuring. We need to now see what the chest x-ray shows next week to make sure there are no spots within the lung itself.

Keysha has run away twice now since Niko was put to sleep, but was returned by kind neighbors both times. She's one strong dog to have managed to break out of her pen, even after Brian did some strengthening of the wire. Her grieving seems to be getting a little better as she didn't spend the whole day howling today. Brian has been well-distracted by her, I think.

All for now since my tummy is rather upset today.

Sad, Sad Day

Poor Brian had to take his beloved Niko into the vet this morning. Niko would have been 13 this June and had developed some kidney problems, as well as troubles with his back legs. It was "time." Niko was Brian's best friend and this was an extremely difficult decision for him to make. I know there are many, many of you who can relate to his sorrow.


On a more positive note...my procedure went extremely well yesterday and was far less uncomfortable than I had feared. They withdrew just over a litre of fluid from around my right lung and now we await the lab results. That news should be available some time early next week, I hope. The whole procedure took less than 20 minutes and all I really felt was one tiny needle prick and just a small amount of pressure when we were nearly done. All of the staff was exceptional and really put me at ease.

Jitterbug

As you can see by the post time down below, this is not a good time for me to be up and about. Especially because I have not managed to catch any Zzzzs at this point. This darn treatment today has left me feeling all buzzed up and jittery. I can't take much more of this. The steroids left me eating all kinds of junk tonight and now I don't know if the tummy is bothering me cuz of that, or cuz of the chemo. The Kytril helped settle the belly a bit, but it hasn't made me sleepy enough to be able to lay down for even 10 minutes straight!

So here I am; typing, typing, typing. I'm hopeful this will work out some of those jitters I feel. Definitely got the jimmy legs going again tonight.

Those of you who have vacationed recently (past 3-4 months), please let me know how your trips went! Technically, Brian and I should be in Mexico or Punta Cana this week and I'm missing that annual trip very much. I'm hoping to live vicariously through your vacations instead. This is the first year since we've been married that we haven't gone away.

Thanks for your quick comments on my last blog entry, KB. The pic of my liver was encouraging for sure, but the fear now is that the cancer has spread to my lungs. We were reasonably certain the Avastin was helping the spots on my liver to go away and the scan seems to have confirmed that. I never had any great degree of discomfort when Dr K pressed on my liver so we know we caught it early there. As far as Survivor goes; for those of you who don't know, yes, I am hooked on that show. I watched it at Sue's last week but I don't think the previews for this week really stuck with me. Thanks for the update on the buffs and the shake-up. It could make for much more interesting tribes now.

For you pray-ers out there...please send up a few for my uncle and aunt, Jim and Kitty, who both managed to land themselves in the hospital recently. Also, my aunt Ruth who had recent heart surgery. All three seem to be doing pretty well and are home recouping. And while you're at it, my sister-in-law, Kate's, dad is undergoing some health issues and has conflicting opinions from some doctors on whether or not he has cancer. The not knowing things is the worst...how does one deal with a conflict like that?!? At least my 2nd and 3rd opinions at UW-Madison Hospital and at the Mayo Clinic all confirmed what we were being told here at the Vince Lombardi Cancer Clinic.

What a great day here yesterday with a high temp of 68 degrees on our deck in the sun. The wind was brisk and so it didn't necessarily feel quite that warm to me, but the snow is practically all gone now and even with the temps back down in the 40s today, it was still refreshing to be able to walk to the end of my driveway yesterday and not feel chilled to the bone. (Granted, I was wearing a turtleneck, sweatshirt, and corduroy jacket, but I was comfy.)

Oop, there's another big yawn, but the legs are still bouncing up and down yet. I think I'll iron my bandanas that I washed earlier today. I'm trying to do quiet things that won't wake the men-folk.

My 2 1/2 year old nephew, Owen, was here last evening. I didn't see much of him because he was all about having his private play time with Dominic. But he came upstairs a few times to sort of check in. I had my hat off most of the evening and the first time he just kind of looked at my head while he was talking to me, paused ever so briefly, but kept on talking. The next time he told me "you have beautiful hairs." It just made my night cuz he has no clue why my hair is practically non-existant or that that was the sweetest thing he could possibly say. What a kid!

I think that's all the typing for now. As I said, I think I'll iron now, but I don't know what I'll do after that. The print in my book is too tiny to try and read at this hour, I've already discovered. I have no desire to watch 'paid programming' and there's little else on at this hour. Much too late too call any of you for a chat, but could almost call some of you early Muth employees who might be about ready to wake up this morning. I'm not banking on much sleep before my procedure this morning. Have to be at the hospital by 10:30am, can't eat anything after 8:30am.

Well, thanks for lending an eyeball to my rambling typing. Hopefully will sleep better tomorrow night and you won't really hear from me again until we have the results from the fluid samples. No date set yet for the x-ray. Have to call and get that arranged.

Happy St. Patrick's Day (coming right up)!! I'll have to wear my fun green party hat from Mac and KB. Hope you're all snuggled in tonight and sleeping like rocks.

Love to all

Bad News - Good News - Bad News

Bad news: Tumor marker number is up over a thousand again to the tune of 1092.

Good news: CT scan shows the spots on the liver seem to have all but disappeared.

Bad news: lots more fluid around the right lung and I will have a thoracentesis done tomorrow to drain anywhere from 1 to 2 litres of fluid. They'll run some tests on the fluid they draw out and I should have those results in 2-3 days. The fluid is not in the lung itself. It is in the chest cavity surrounding the lung. I'll have an x-ray done before my next treatment to see what shows up (more fluid, spots, anything).

I did have treatment today. We stuck with the Avastin, but I am no longer receiving the Taxotere. That was switched to something called Navelbine now. (Oh goody...a whole new set of possible side effects.) I'll let you know how this one works out for me in time. The plan is to continue with treatments every other week, now on Wednesdays.

Sorry if I'm not posting as often as some of you might like. When I have a crummy day I tend to not have any desire to sit and type. And I've had a lot of crummy days lately. You can always feel free to call for an update if you'd like, though. Never be afraid to call. Although I may not always be the best at returning calls either, if you leave a message it does me worlds of good just to know you're out there thinking of me. I ALWAYS love to see comments posted here too!

I guess that's about all I learned today. Questions anyone?
Q: Am I nervous about tomorrow's procedure?
A: Absolutely! The thought of a needle going into my chest makes me a little anxious.
Q: Do they know why my tumor marker number is on the rise?
A: Not specifically. Could be any number of explanations. Some drugs just don't work for everyone, or they stop working after a while. Another possibility is that certain cancer cells are not responding and those are the cells that are messing up that number. Could be there are cells elsewhere that just don't show up in this scan. But as long as we keep treating we should hopefully manage to bring that number down again, in time.
Anyone else? Questions? Buehler? Buehler?

You Just Never Know

You just never know what 'treatment day' will bring. By definition it should bring a treatment, yes? Well, not today.

Instead, by the time I had asked all of my many questions and updated Dr K on all my current aches and pains he decided that we should do a CT scan of my head, chest, abdomen and pelvis. And that we should also wait and see what my latest tumor marker number looks like that we drew blood for today, before proceeding with another treatment. So I'll have the marker # sometime tomorrow, and I'll see the pics from the scan on Wed morning. After that we'll determine if we'll proceed on the same track or change things up a bit.

I've been experiencing headaches, vomiting, and lower back pain (even with the fentanyl patch on). That's why we want to see if there's anything new going on that we should be aware of. Unfortunately, this past weekend was my sort of annual get-together with my sisters and the way that I was feeling tapped into the fun way too much. I felt extremely cheated!

For some reason the scan caused a great deal more discomfort than I ever remember it causing in the past. First it took 2 nurses and 3 pokes to get an iv started. Then the iodine burned something terrible when they injected it. I know it does, but this was extreme. By the time I left I was ready to run screaming from the building. So then I came home and napped for 2 1/2 hours with my jacket on because, even on this spring-type day, I just couldn't warm up.

So I should have updated news to report on Wednesday at some point. If all looks "normal" on the scan and the tumor marker number is cooperating then we'll just go about our business as it was planned for today. If anything has gone haywire, we'll deal with that as necessary.

Topped Off

Yesterday I had a treatment and, as Brian said, we "topped off all my fluids." I received the Avastin, Taxotere, Zometa, plus extra pre-meds to avoid any kind of adverse reaction. The extra Benadryl sent my head a spinning and then knocked me out for a nap right then and there in my chemo chair. I also have a new prescription for the GERD symptoms I've been experiencing. Just one more drug to add to my list of many.

I think I ate more for dinner last night (steroids again) than I ate all last week combined. At least that was the way it felt. Today I'm on the anti-nausea pills right away to try and curb any ill side effects. I'll also have a Neumega shot each day this week. Four shots seem to be maintaining my platelets in a "safe" zone. My white and red blood cells are hanging right on that borderline, but haven't dropped at all, which is promising.

VERY PROUD to report that Dominic was named "Student of the Month" by his band teacher for the month of January. The letter his teacher wrote was just wonderful. This honor is kind of a random thing. No teacher is required to name any student, there are no quotas to fill, etc. That just kind of makes it all the more special. Dominic is very proud of this accomplishment. He'll get his picture in the Lakeshore Weekly too.

Please continue to pray for me. I really need to have a good week or two now. And know that I keep all of you in my prayers as well.

Back Again

I seem to have the flu bug back in my system. So much for feeling human this whole week. I'm still optimistic for the weekend, however.

Today's Non-normalcy

I thought I better jump right on here tonight while I'm feeling up to it...since we have NO clue what the next several days may bring. I did receive a treatment today of both the Avastin and the Taxotere. My blood work looked pretty darn good too, so we've decided that being treated every two weeks instead of trying to squeeze in a treatment every week may be the better way to proceed. Cautious optimism, anyone?!?

Now we couldn't just have a "normal" day at the clinic. Ahhhh, Brenda was in rare form and she, Brian, and I had a bunch of laughs. Then we started the Taxotere as the last bag to drip for the day. As Brenda would tell it, we were only two drips into the treatment (I would say more like two minutes) when I caught her attention and signaled her over. The insides of my ears had become very hot very rapidly. By the time she got across the room my whole face was hot and, apparently, I was quite red in the face and neck. Sure enough, I had a reaction to the Taxotere. They immediatly stopped the drip (am I stating the obvious there?) and then injected something else into the port to counteract some of the reaction. I immediately felt the heat going away. After that I was pretty light-headed for a while. They summoned Dr K also to have him check and make sure I was ok and get his word on how to proceed. We waited about 15 minutes and then started up again at a super slow drip speed, with Brenda staring me down for a reaction. We were fortunate in that there were no more incidents.

I just had some supper a little bit ago and will probably feel hungry tomorrow also from the steroids. Then we'll see, day by day, how many of the symptoms I experienced with the last treatment were from the Taxotere and how many were flu-related.

Darn! I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up too high, but if we can treat every other week instead of every week, and if I can better tolerate this particular chemo with the Avastin, then maybe I can start getting some structure back in to my world and do more than sit in the comfy chair in the living room and/or sleep. Too much to ask for just yet? Sure, I'm a little premature in those wishes. But this could be a very telling week for me! Oh...more cautious optimism!

So that favorite motto of mine is ringing loud and clear in my head: "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." The worst would be to go through all I did last time and find out there was no virus involved at all. The best would be to control all side effects this week and have a semi-human week next week with no treatments at all. If you're wondering about any special prayer requests I may have...there it is!

Thank you again for all my replies. So nice to see Lois post a comment. And there were numerous emails and phone calls as well. The food we receive is always soooo appreciated. Even when I can't enjoy it myself, it's a relief to know Brian and Dominic aren't eating another frozen pizza.

Be well all of you. Get those flu shots. They say it isn't too late! And let the good times roll...

Down for the Count

And it has been a total, complete, and indisputable knock out! That is to say...I have been knocked out for the last week.

It started last Tuesday night when Brian woke to a strange noise. The noise turned out to be me, shivering uncontrollably. It only got worse from there. We have been able to determine that what I've gone through is a combination of chemo side effects and the nasty virus that's been going around. Unfortunately, we don't know which symptoms to attribute to what. By Friday afternoon I was in the clinic getting fluids for dehydration, as well as anti-nausea meds and steroids.

On Monday we did a chest x-ray and found fluid back around my lungs. My blood work, surprisingly, was good enough that we could have done another treatment, but I refused. I need this week to gain back my strength...physically, mentally, and emotionally. The stomach is still somewhat unsettled and the mind is not as good as it could be. This was a true beating.

Each day seems to be getting a little better. I'm sure by Monday I'll be "fine" and we'll do another round of the chemo. Only then will we know what the true side effects of the chemo are. (Mouth sores seem to be a new one, making it extremely difficult to eat, even when the stomach seems willing.)

Hopefully this bitter cold will at least serve the purpose of killing off some of the nasty germs out there.

Number, please

Brian and I both had some vague ideas in our heads of what the new tumor marker number might be today. We were both overly (unrealistically) optimistic in our guesses. We both knew that going in. Really, we just wanted the number to have gone down and would have been pleased with whatever lower number we saw. What we got was a DROP of 115 points!!

The initial larger drops are not unusual. Now things will perhaps be less dramatic, but should hopefully continue on that downward trend as long as the meds continue to do their thing. My bloodwork wasn't too bad today, so we did get the first dose of Taxotere in. I'll let you know how I feel as the days go by. Hopefully more good days than I experienced last week!

I wish all of you a very good week! Stay warm out there!! Brrrrr...

What will be?

I'm supposed to try and have chemo again tomorrow. If the bloodwork allows it, we may switch to a new drug called Taxotere. There should be fewer neuropathies with this one. I hope he's right about that. My sense of touch and temperature and the tingling in my extremities and in my face have become most annoying. Of course, then what's the trade-off? Fewer neuropathies, but more of some other discomfort? What will it be?

After feeling mostly like crud all week I finally broke down and had myself a good cry this morning. I think I was long overdue and I feel somewhat better now, at least emotionally. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!

It's blustery cold and windy here today. My mind and body long for the warm, sunny beaches of Mexico. Alas, it is not to be this year. Although we reached that conclusion some time ago already, I think it's just now starting to sink in as others come and go on their trips. I am looking forward to a weekend away in the Dells in March with my sisters, however. No matter how I feel I will make that work because the change of scenery can only do me good---not to mention the time well-spent with sisters well-loved!

All I have for now. Just wanted to check in. I'll try to get back to you with details of how the Taxotere works out.

Never Gamble on my Blood

No one was more shocked than I when Brenda came out to the front waiting room at the clinic yesterday and did the "happy platelet dance!" For no apparent reason, my platelets were up and we did a round of Taxol yesterday. It's just too bizarre. I was totally unprepared.

Today I've been feeling very up and down. Feeling like I'm heading in a mostly 'down' direction at the moment, though, and I'm off to bed. We shall see what tomorrow may bring. I'm continuing with daily injections for the platelets in order to keep them where they need to be.

Impractical

I guess I failed to make it clear on here last week that I did proceed with a Taxol treatment last Friday, prior to the blood transfusion on Saturday. For some reason, folks around the clinic seemed to think I could have more Taxol today. I went in feeling that was not very realistic, given my history of whacky blood. Sure enough, we were able to get the Avastin going, but not the Taxol. My platelets were too low---AGAIN!

Not sure why anyone was surprised or disappointed. I think they think that the lower dose was the answer, but I knew better. No surprises for me. It went the way I thought it would. And we'll try again next week.

My now 16-year-old son drove me to today's appointment and hung out with me, since he had no school today. He's been to the clinic before, but not since I've had the port in place. He watched the entire access process and I'm sure was fascinated.

Feeling queasy tonight, but it's too early to take any more anti-nausea meds just yet. Bed time won't come soon enough!