Monday, October 15, 2007

When does it stop hurting?

Yeah, I know it's been a while since I've show my face around here. I guess at times I'm either not sure of what to say, or I'm afraid to really say it. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I'm starting to doubt that. The pain may have eased a bit since July, but I'm still having a hard time coping with Carol's absence. I know I'm not alone and have recently chatted with family members and friends that are unsure of how to deal with their anger and frustration, too. Nobody has any answers. We just all miss Carol so much!

The RA walk is something I look forward to each year. It's an emotional event for most and a celebration of life for others. It's going to be tough this time. I always looked for Carol and the team at our "meeting spot" before the event started. During the walk we all talk of our families and the events going on in our lives. Even when the weather was cold, rainy or close to miserable (which was often the case), it was such an invigorating walk that we'd tend to forget about the dreary day surrounding us.

The last two months I have been excited about the walk getting closer. I can't wait to see all the family and friends again! I was anticipating some hard moments, but overall I thought it was going to be a day for us to celebrate Carol and put our happy hats on. Now that it's nearing...I'm a little nervous. Of course I'm still looking forward to seeing everyone, but there's this anxiety setting in. Ugh.....

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