Monday, Can't Trust That Day

I wrote a pretty long blog entry this morning, but when I went to publish it the page wouldn’t come up and I lost it. Not good since I was already having a bad (read: weepy) kind of day. I didn’t want to be here at work but my friend Kristi (KB) pulled me through. Those are the best friends…the ones who help you without knowing they’re doing so, and with no extra effort on their part, just by being themselves. So I’m starting over with the blog now. I’ll copy and paste and not risk losing it again. But I won’t be able to say everything I said before.

I wish there was some way to predict the bad days. Or at least to pinpoint what might trigger the emotions. Today it was as simple as singing a song --- an upbeat song even --- but it still made me cry. And cry. And cry. I was 5 minutes late for work. The song was “I am the Bread of Life.” Kind of Eastery, so maybe that’s why it popped into my head in the shower. “I will raise you up. I will raise you up on the last day.” But it made me think of funerals. I can’t explain it, it just happens. I don’t have a fear of death. But I become overwhelmingly sad when I think I may die before I retire. Imagine all the things I’ll miss out on with all of you if that happens! I think most about how I’ll miss out on Brian and Dominic’s lives. Too much!

But then as the morning went on and Kristi and I had some laughs I started to feel better. And I thought back on what a wonderful weekend it was. Playing in Madison on Friday with Dominic and Sue and her kids was great fun! And yesterday, Easter, was beautiful. The sun was shining. Brian, Dominic and I went to church together and then to Brian’s mom’s house. We were the first ones there, just waiting for the crowd to arrive. And arrive they did! I love the noise!! I love the laughter and the conversation and the pervading feeling of family love. And I got to laugh some more on the phone with mom and dad once we got home. It was a very good day.

So maybe that’s it. Maybe I just crashed today after my Easter high.

The sunshine and warmer temps did not go unappreciated today though. Always easier to get over the blahs with a friend to make you laugh, memories of a wonderful Sunday and the sun in your eyes.

Headline News

I think I managed to get this link sent to everyone, but I'm not sure. By putting it here too, though, there will be a "permanent" place to check it out.

I had NO idea they would put this on the front page (or that they would use such an odd shot), but I'm pleased with the article. There were so many other things I said, but I understand that space is limited.

Here I am: http://www.wisinfo.com/sheboyganpress/news/archive/local_20105578.shtml

Marvelous March

Here I am again. At long last I'm back at the computer to post some "life" updates.

First of all, I must apologize to anyone who may have checked in looking for information on my last blood draw and the tumor marker results. I am pleased to report, however, that the number was actually down slightly. It's still up in the 50s (with below 30 being "normal" range) but at least it's not back up in the 80s!

Secondly, I must tell you that Brian and I had a fabulous time in Mexico!! It was beautiful and relaxing and we very easily grew accustomed to "Mexico time" which means not watching a clock or being in a rush for anything. The sky was blue, the beaches were white, and the drinks were cold. We loved every minute of our time together.

We had a portrait done while down there. It turned out quite beautifully, if I do say so myself. I must admit that it was the one and only time while we were down there that I really gave any serious amount of thought to my cancer. One of the many people who stopped to comment, while we were doing our sitting right there in the lobby, said that it would be something wonderful for our grandchildren and great grandchildren to have. But my thought was that I hoped it would be something that Brian would be happy to have if my cancer should take me away from him. I was almost teary thanking the artist's wife because I truly appreciated them making this opportunity available to us. (now we just have to get it framed and hung)

Dominic got over his pneumonia and moved right on to wrestling. He's doing exceptionally well for his first year and has pinned a number of his competitors. I'm handling watching him much more easily than I would have guessed. But I haven't seen him in too many awful holds yet either.

Last weekend we stayed in an enormous condo at The Wilderness in the Dells with Sue, Kathy and their families. We had a lot of fun. I just love being around all those kids and listening to them talk and play and getting hugs from them. And Owen's smile is so incredibly contagious. This has become an annual event for us. I'm not "allowed" to go down the big tube slides anymore, but the wave pool and lazy river were great, as was the indoor/outdoor hot tub. I still managed to get plenty pruney myself!

This week brought the first day of spring and Sunday is Easter. New life!! I'm ready to shake off the cold of winter and embrace the warmth of spring. I didn't have a single hotflash or headache while in Mexico. I think that's a sign that I'm not a winter kind of gal.

Bring on the sunshine! Easter blessings to all of you, my beautiful family and friends!!

"Lucky" number

I called this morning and got the results of my blood test and my tumor marker has actually dropped a couple of numbers, so that's a good thing! It's still a little higher than we would like, but it's not totally out of control. That put us in fine spirits for heading out of the country! (not that we needed any help with that)

A photographer came by the office today to take my picture for the article in the Press. I was nervous, but he was great and I think it went ok. Now I'm nervous about the final photo selection. I don't have any say in that.

I don't think there was anything else I wanted to cover today. We'll try to bring back some warm temperatures and sunshine next weekend.

Viva la Mexico!!

Press-ing news

Sheboygan Press, that is. There was an article in the paper last week looking for people to respond for the newspaper's "annual report." The theme was "Firsts" and there was a long list of subheadings. One of those was First Chemotherapy. Something in me clicked and I decided to respond. I sent off an email that told of my first day of chemo and how Brian and I got through it. The woman who replied told me it was eloquently written. And so we got together today and she interviewed me over lunch. The article will appear in the Sheboygan Press either March 20th or 27th. I didn't feel I did a very good job saying what I wanted to say, but she was wonderful, and I'm now curious to see what she writes. It sounded like she was interviewing only three of us to include in the chemo portion. For those of you who don't get the paper, I'll hopefully be able to send you a link if/when it's online. I don't know if what I wrote will be included or not, but I'll share that with all of you as well.

Dominic is feeling well and back in school this week and has his first wrestling meet this Thursday. Yikes! I'll try to be strong.

Brian and I are getting excited about our trip to the Riviera Maya in Mexico (just south of Cancun). We leave this weekend and so the work week is dragging unbearably.

Tomorrow is another infusion of the bone strengthener. We're also going to re-test my blood and see where my tumor marker number is at. I don't know if I'll have those results before we leave the country or not. Part of me thinks I'd rather wait until our return, but part of me wants to know right away. If I learn anything on Friday I'll be sure to fill you in!