Monday, Can't Trust That Day

I wrote a pretty long blog entry this morning, but when I went to publish it the page wouldn’t come up and I lost it. Not good since I was already having a bad (read: weepy) kind of day. I didn’t want to be here at work but my friend Kristi (KB) pulled me through. Those are the best friends…the ones who help you without knowing they’re doing so, and with no extra effort on their part, just by being themselves. So I’m starting over with the blog now. I’ll copy and paste and not risk losing it again. But I won’t be able to say everything I said before.

I wish there was some way to predict the bad days. Or at least to pinpoint what might trigger the emotions. Today it was as simple as singing a song --- an upbeat song even --- but it still made me cry. And cry. And cry. I was 5 minutes late for work. The song was “I am the Bread of Life.” Kind of Eastery, so maybe that’s why it popped into my head in the shower. “I will raise you up. I will raise you up on the last day.” But it made me think of funerals. I can’t explain it, it just happens. I don’t have a fear of death. But I become overwhelmingly sad when I think I may die before I retire. Imagine all the things I’ll miss out on with all of you if that happens! I think most about how I’ll miss out on Brian and Dominic’s lives. Too much!

But then as the morning went on and Kristi and I had some laughs I started to feel better. And I thought back on what a wonderful weekend it was. Playing in Madison on Friday with Dominic and Sue and her kids was great fun! And yesterday, Easter, was beautiful. The sun was shining. Brian, Dominic and I went to church together and then to Brian’s mom’s house. We were the first ones there, just waiting for the crowd to arrive. And arrive they did! I love the noise!! I love the laughter and the conversation and the pervading feeling of family love. And I got to laugh some more on the phone with mom and dad once we got home. It was a very good day.

So maybe that’s it. Maybe I just crashed today after my Easter high.

The sunshine and warmer temps did not go unappreciated today though. Always easier to get over the blahs with a friend to make you laugh, memories of a wonderful Sunday and the sun in your eyes.