Conspicuous in my Absence?

My observant sister, Sue, told me that when I say things like "I'll keep you posted" and then I don't post anything it usually means that I'm not feeling so good. I guess she's right! Because I haven't posted anything in a week, and it's now been a week since I started the Xeloda.

Strangely enough I am now posting this shortly after midnight. Could it be that after two weeks of what feels like non-stop sleeping I've finally reached my limit? No, I don't think that's it. I think I've just taken some meds too late in the evening that are now keeping me up. My eyes are tired and I keep yawning, but I can't seem to fall asleep. All jittery.

I haven't been feeling so great lately. But I do think it may be improving a bit day by day. I worked a grand total of one hour last week! Can you believe that?! I'm averaging around 2.5 hours/day this week though. So that's a big jump percentage-wise. Mornings seem to be my worst time of the day. But I'm muddling through. I mostly have myself weaned from the pain pills (which may be part of why I'm sitting here at this hour), with the Xeloda and some Ibuprofen taking over in the pain treatment area.

Today was NOT a good clinic experience for me and I came home in a pretty down mood. A nap seemed to snap me out of it though. They had to poke me three times to get the IV started. Plus all the blinds were shut and a lot of the curtains between the patients were closed and it felt almost claustrophic in there (and I'm not a claustrophic person).

They did give me some samples of Ensure, Boost, Support, and Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. All of these are protein/energy drinks. I've lost nine pounds in the last two weeks from not eating much at all, and not always keeping down what I have eaten. Plus, I can't seem to tolerate any protein. Even the word "meat" turns my stomach---much less the sight or smell. So these drinks should maybe help keep my diet slightly more balanced.

I checked out a book today (now yesterday, I guess) from the resource library they have at the VLCC. It's the first book I've come across that's written for a person with metastatic breast cancer. There is a TON of information out there for a woman who is first diagnosed, or who is going through breast cancer treatment for the first time. But there is far, far less info on the taboo subject of a cancer that may have returned/spread. So far I've only read the preface, but I know I'm going to gain a great deal from the experience of reading this book. I'll let you know when I'm done with it if it's recommended reading for any/all of you. I'm hopeful that it will be a catalyst for some heart warming, and even heart wrenching, conversations about this reality that is the Cancer in my life.

OK...still not quite sleepy enough. Maybe I'll go buy something on QVC now. (Just kidding!) But I will sign off for the night. Hope all of you have managed to stay cool this past week and that you're tucked away safely and snuggly in your beds.

Hugs!