I managed to get some sleep last night. Factor number 1 that aided this "miracle" was a doubling of my dosage of the Fentanyl (pain patch). Factor number 2 was the way I finally positioned myself; head and shoulders propped this way, knees propped that way, on the couch in the living room. Factor number 3 was my very wise husband. I must have fallen asleep between 10 and 10:30 and when Brian was ready to turn in he just left me there, with the light still on and everything so as not to wake me. I slept until 2-something, when it took me a minute to realize where I was. I was going to get up and go to bed, or at least turn of the light, but I fell right back asleep instead. Then I awoke again at 4:30 and did go to bed at that time...PAIN FREE! I slept until 10:30 this morning!
Yesterday was a tough one. I don't think I've writhed in pain like that since I was in labor. The Fentanyl is definitely making my head a little floaty again, but it's tolerable, and the pain is gone again, so I'll learn to deal with it. I do not want any more days like yesterday. A little queasy still today, but that's the chemo pills. Only ten more pills to go for this week...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I thought I was doing so well
After my last post I managed to sleep quite soundly every night...until last night. I had such pain in my legs all night that I only managed two hours of sleep when I first went to bed, and then I was up the rest of the night. My hips, femurs, and knees hurt very badly. I can barely walk without feeling like I'm going to fall over. Once again, I just can't find a comfortable position.
I had another treatment last Friday and I'm back on the chemo pills this week. I'm sure all of this lends itself to my pain. But I was feeling relatively human, and even went to work for a couple of hours yesterday. Today I'm both nauseous and terribly uncomfortable...not to mention tired!
I should have blogged last evening when I was doing better so this entry would be more "up."
My treatment on Friday was fairly uneventful. But as I was telling the nurses and the Nurse Practitioner about Dr K putting me on the Aleve, the Nurse Practitioner said "He must be thinking 'tumor fevers' -- he is just so smart! He makes me realize I have a lot to learn yet." I really like the N.P. (Cindy). And it's nice to know there's really a name for the fevers and the night sweats and that they really can be a good thing. That's what I keep telling myself about the pain in my legs now. It must be the meds attacking all the cancer in those areas. I hope I'm right!
My mailbox continues to overflow with cards of all kinds from a wide variety of people. I love it! Thank you oh so much for brightening my days!!
I had another treatment last Friday and I'm back on the chemo pills this week. I'm sure all of this lends itself to my pain. But I was feeling relatively human, and even went to work for a couple of hours yesterday. Today I'm both nauseous and terribly uncomfortable...not to mention tired!
I should have blogged last evening when I was doing better so this entry would be more "up."
My treatment on Friday was fairly uneventful. But as I was telling the nurses and the Nurse Practitioner about Dr K putting me on the Aleve, the Nurse Practitioner said "He must be thinking 'tumor fevers' -- he is just so smart! He makes me realize I have a lot to learn yet." I really like the N.P. (Cindy). And it's nice to know there's really a name for the fevers and the night sweats and that they really can be a good thing. That's what I keep telling myself about the pain in my legs now. It must be the meds attacking all the cancer in those areas. I hope I'm right!
My mailbox continues to overflow with cards of all kinds from a wide variety of people. I love it! Thank you oh so much for brightening my days!!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
It even hurts to count sheep
It's now about 2:30 in the morning and I haven't slept a wink yet. It's disappointing because I was fairly convinced that the little blue Aleve was my magic pill. Since starting to take it on Monday it has relieved the nausea and I haven't heaved or thrown up once! And it had also seemed to help with all of the body aches that I was having in my joints, lower back, shoulders, etc. But now tonight I am just so uncomfortable and I can't find a good position to sit, stand or lay down. You would think that between the Aleve and the Fentanyl patch I would be well covered in the pain area, but this is a rough night.
I feel clammy too, and sense that as soon as I do manage to fall asleep that the night sweat will hit soon. I'm down to only one episide a night, but it's still happening. At this point I don't care...I just want to sleep!
I feel clammy too, and sense that as soon as I do manage to fall asleep that the night sweat will hit soon. I'm down to only one episide a night, but it's still happening. At this point I don't care...I just want to sleep!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Sorry for the Delay
I realize many of you were checking for a posting yesterday to find out what I found out. I'm sorry I didn't get to the computer.
When I called the clinic in the morning they were able to tell me that the blood work had come back negative for infection. I guess that's a good thing, right? So what's the problem then? Since I was still having the sweats they decided I should come in and see Dr K. I had a late afternoon appointment with him. First words out of his mouth were "You're spending too much time here" and I said "I KNOW!"
The new theory is that the fevers and night sweats are a result of the meds attacking the tumors in my liver, and this is my body's way of responding. So, kind of, it's a good thing that I've been feeling the way I have...maybe...if the theory is correct. Dr K took me off the antibiotics which were making me more nauseous than usual. I am now taking Aleve twice a day to try and reduce some inflamation. I see Dr K again on Friday and we will re-evaluate the situation then.
Since I was showered and dressed and already on the north side of Sheboygan, I decided to go in to work for a little bit yesterday. I only lasted about an hour and a half. But it was good to be there, sitting in my chair, answering my phone, plodding through emails, and seeing many smiling faces.
Then I came home, exhausted, and napped for two hours. Hence the lack of blog time yesterday. I was just uncomfortable and groggy and in no mood to sit in this particular chair.
I received lots of cards and hand-written notes in the mail the past couple of days. What a great, great treat! (J&B, I told Brian I need a pig now, but he doesn't think it's such a good idea. lol) Everyone has been so great about keeping in touch with me and it has really helped me get through these rough days. I just can't express my gratitude appropriately.
Be well, and have a great day all!!
When I called the clinic in the morning they were able to tell me that the blood work had come back negative for infection. I guess that's a good thing, right? So what's the problem then? Since I was still having the sweats they decided I should come in and see Dr K. I had a late afternoon appointment with him. First words out of his mouth were "You're spending too much time here" and I said "I KNOW!"
The new theory is that the fevers and night sweats are a result of the meds attacking the tumors in my liver, and this is my body's way of responding. So, kind of, it's a good thing that I've been feeling the way I have...maybe...if the theory is correct. Dr K took me off the antibiotics which were making me more nauseous than usual. I am now taking Aleve twice a day to try and reduce some inflamation. I see Dr K again on Friday and we will re-evaluate the situation then.
Since I was showered and dressed and already on the north side of Sheboygan, I decided to go in to work for a little bit yesterday. I only lasted about an hour and a half. But it was good to be there, sitting in my chair, answering my phone, plodding through emails, and seeing many smiling faces.
Then I came home, exhausted, and napped for two hours. Hence the lack of blog time yesterday. I was just uncomfortable and groggy and in no mood to sit in this particular chair.
I received lots of cards and hand-written notes in the mail the past couple of days. What a great, great treat! (J&B, I told Brian I need a pig now, but he doesn't think it's such a good idea. lol) Everyone has been so great about keeping in touch with me and it has really helped me get through these rough days. I just can't express my gratitude appropriately.
Be well, and have a great day all!!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
To Quote...
...the late, great Gilda Radner: "It's aaaalways something!"
I told the nurses at the clinic today that it just seems impossbile for me to stay away from there for two full weeks. That would mean my life was going smoothly and everything was fine. I had no appointment today. I have no appointment until a week from tomorrow. But after two nights of the most intense, bizarre, soaking wet night sweats I thought I better call in and make sure this wasn't a big problem. They told me to come right in. On top of everything else, I now have an infection of some sort, somewhere in my body. The first thought is a Port infection, just because of the timing, but that doesn't look infected. We won't know specifics until lab cultures are back, probably on Monday. In the mean time they have given me an antibiotic. I'm running a pretty high fever of 102, so my brain is a little fuzzy.
What next?!?
I told the nurses at the clinic today that it just seems impossbile for me to stay away from there for two full weeks. That would mean my life was going smoothly and everything was fine. I had no appointment today. I have no appointment until a week from tomorrow. But after two nights of the most intense, bizarre, soaking wet night sweats I thought I better call in and make sure this wasn't a big problem. They told me to come right in. On top of everything else, I now have an infection of some sort, somewhere in my body. The first thought is a Port infection, just because of the timing, but that doesn't look infected. We won't know specifics until lab cultures are back, probably on Monday. In the mean time they have given me an antibiotic. I'm running a pretty high fever of 102, so my brain is a little fuzzy.
What next?!?
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Shocker
I thought I was prepared. I thought I knew what to expect. I thought I was giving myself enough extra wiggle room to be ready for whatever I heard. I was wrong.
In my July 22 Blog my tumor marker number was at 1474. With the news of the spread to my liver I knew we were looking at a jump in that number to at least 2000---I figured 2500 was probably more like it. I even considered the possibility that it may have doubled to 2948. I was not prepared to have skidded way past the 3000 mark. 3868 is the new number.
I guess that explains why I feel so crummy still. I don't like it! I don't like it at all!!
In my July 22 Blog my tumor marker number was at 1474. With the news of the spread to my liver I knew we were looking at a jump in that number to at least 2000---I figured 2500 was probably more like it. I even considered the possibility that it may have doubled to 2948. I was not prepared to have skidded way past the 3000 mark. 3868 is the new number.
I guess that explains why I feel so crummy still. I don't like it! I don't like it at all!!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Rah Rah
I'm supposed to be at the Packer game right now. Obviously, I am not. Feeling really rough this weekend. Poor Brian had to hit the grocery store this morning before he could head out of town. It's a good thing he's so capable!
The port isn't too terribly uncomfortable, except when I roll over in the middle of the night. Tummy troubles keeping me close to home.
What is with these autumn-like temperatures? And where is the sunshine? A little less gloom would be nice...
The port isn't too terribly uncomfortable, except when I roll over in the middle of the night. Tummy troubles keeping me close to home.
What is with these autumn-like temperatures? And where is the sunshine? A little less gloom would be nice...
Friday, September 08, 2006
Surprises
Sometimes surprises can be a good thing, sometimes they can be a bad thing, and sometimes they're...well...just unexpected things that don't really sway a person one way or the other.
First surprise came last evening when I was much more aware of my surroundings than I thought I would be while they implanted the port. I was numbed up well enough, but I knew exactly what was going on the whole time. I was suprised to be so wide awake. It was a great bunch of nurses who did their very best to keep me laughing though. The doctor himself had a great bedside manner and spoke to me a couple times during the procedure. It was the assistant, however, who gave me my next surprise. Words you don't want to hear while lying vulnerable on a table: "I've never seen it do that before!" EXCUSE ME?! Turns out the porta-cath had turned kind of upside down like. The doctor had seen this before and wasn't at all thrown by it. There was not much pain involved, some discomfort now but nothing unbearable and it will pass pretty quickly. It has, after all, only been about 24 hours.
The next surprise came today during my appointment with Dr Kumar. We made some changes to my treatment plan. Dr K met with what is called the "Tumor Board" which is a group of all the local oncologists. They get together once or twice a month and discuss cases and get input from one another. This input, along with advice from Dr Vogel (in Florida), has led to a new course of action. Biggest surprise is that we did not start the Taxol today. We are, instead, going to continue with the Xeloda for another couple of rounds. The feeling is that with only two rounds of the Xeloda in my system, we haven't really given it any time to work. In terms of "quality of life" it is a better chemo for me to be on than the Taxol. Neither one will increase longevity of life over the other so the idea is to keep me more comfortable longer, if we can. The dosage has changed on the Xeloda and I'll take only four pills a day now for just one week, take a week off, then be on it again for a week, etc. We'll see how my system handles that. If we see after another two or three rounds that my tumor marker numbers are not coming down, then we can always switch to the Taxol at that time.
We did start the Avastin today. This is a drug that will, basically, cut off the blood supply to the tumors. One side effect can be increased blood pressure so, of course, when Brenda came to check my blood pressure and it had gone down, we all shook our heads and laughed. Only me!! She already thinks I'm an odd case. lol
In terms of the liver biopsy, we have decided to wait a little bit with that and see how this other treatment goes as well. There is only a very tiny chance that my cancer has changed in type wherein I would then be a candidate for a drug called Herceptin. When we did a "double check" with the bone biopsy in 2004 the cancer had not changed, so it's unlikely it has changed now. The surprise that came with this one was that another option is to do a laproscopic procedure wherein they would look at the entire abdomen and visually check to see if there are signs of tumor anywhere else around my digestive system that might explain the nausea/heaving. They would then just do the liver biopsy at that time.
Let's see...what else? Ah yes; no more Procrit shots. They're giving me something else for anemia now that can go in my port and I only need it every two weeks instead of every week. Surprise! One more thing for which there will no longer be a needle poke required.
So now, barring any unforeseen changes, I won't have to go back to the clinic for another two weeks! Now THAT's a surprise!
I don't know about you, but all of this information has worn me out, so I'm going to stop here for now. I feel mostly ok. Getting through the port procedure last evening was a huge stress reliever. I was not looking forward to that one at all. And today seemed to turn out better than expected as well.
And when I woke up from my nap this afternoon --- surprise!---there were some fresh flowers that had been delivered!! Thanks Oregon!
May all of you have stress-free, happy, healthy weekends!
First surprise came last evening when I was much more aware of my surroundings than I thought I would be while they implanted the port. I was numbed up well enough, but I knew exactly what was going on the whole time. I was suprised to be so wide awake. It was a great bunch of nurses who did their very best to keep me laughing though. The doctor himself had a great bedside manner and spoke to me a couple times during the procedure. It was the assistant, however, who gave me my next surprise. Words you don't want to hear while lying vulnerable on a table: "I've never seen it do that before!" EXCUSE ME?! Turns out the porta-cath had turned kind of upside down like. The doctor had seen this before and wasn't at all thrown by it. There was not much pain involved, some discomfort now but nothing unbearable and it will pass pretty quickly. It has, after all, only been about 24 hours.
The next surprise came today during my appointment with Dr Kumar. We made some changes to my treatment plan. Dr K met with what is called the "Tumor Board" which is a group of all the local oncologists. They get together once or twice a month and discuss cases and get input from one another. This input, along with advice from Dr Vogel (in Florida), has led to a new course of action. Biggest surprise is that we did not start the Taxol today. We are, instead, going to continue with the Xeloda for another couple of rounds. The feeling is that with only two rounds of the Xeloda in my system, we haven't really given it any time to work. In terms of "quality of life" it is a better chemo for me to be on than the Taxol. Neither one will increase longevity of life over the other so the idea is to keep me more comfortable longer, if we can. The dosage has changed on the Xeloda and I'll take only four pills a day now for just one week, take a week off, then be on it again for a week, etc. We'll see how my system handles that. If we see after another two or three rounds that my tumor marker numbers are not coming down, then we can always switch to the Taxol at that time.
We did start the Avastin today. This is a drug that will, basically, cut off the blood supply to the tumors. One side effect can be increased blood pressure so, of course, when Brenda came to check my blood pressure and it had gone down, we all shook our heads and laughed. Only me!! She already thinks I'm an odd case. lol
In terms of the liver biopsy, we have decided to wait a little bit with that and see how this other treatment goes as well. There is only a very tiny chance that my cancer has changed in type wherein I would then be a candidate for a drug called Herceptin. When we did a "double check" with the bone biopsy in 2004 the cancer had not changed, so it's unlikely it has changed now. The surprise that came with this one was that another option is to do a laproscopic procedure wherein they would look at the entire abdomen and visually check to see if there are signs of tumor anywhere else around my digestive system that might explain the nausea/heaving. They would then just do the liver biopsy at that time.
Let's see...what else? Ah yes; no more Procrit shots. They're giving me something else for anemia now that can go in my port and I only need it every two weeks instead of every week. Surprise! One more thing for which there will no longer be a needle poke required.
So now, barring any unforeseen changes, I won't have to go back to the clinic for another two weeks! Now THAT's a surprise!
I don't know about you, but all of this information has worn me out, so I'm going to stop here for now. I feel mostly ok. Getting through the port procedure last evening was a huge stress reliever. I was not looking forward to that one at all. And today seemed to turn out better than expected as well.
And when I woke up from my nap this afternoon --- surprise!---there were some fresh flowers that had been delivered!! Thanks Oregon!
May all of you have stress-free, happy, healthy weekends!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Treatment Plan
Dr. Kumar and Dr. Vogel spoke at length yesterday morning. I got the information through Brenda (the fun nurse) yesterday but have waited to blog until today because I knew I'd have more information after being at the clinic today for my Procrit shot.
First thing we did was stop the Xeloda chemo pills. I'll take the anti-nausea pills for a couple more days though to be sure it's far enough out of my system to no longer make me sick.
Next appointment I have is actually with my dentist to be sure the Zometa has not affected my jaw or teeth at all. Good dental hygiene is also important when undergoing chemo and taking various cancer-related drugs. As long as everything checks out ok we'll continue with the Zometa infusions. I think it should all be fine. There was just a bit of a red flag when they noted I had jaw pain last week or the week before, but I'm sure that was from the intense vomiting.
The appointment after that will be at the hospital, as an outpatient, to have a port put in. That is a device that's placed in my chest, underneath the skin, through which chemo drugs can be given, all my other infusions can be given, and blood can even be drawn. We've talked about this in the past because I have such poor veins, but now it's going to happen.
Then on Friday, September 8th, we will start a regimen of chemotherapy. I will receive a drug called Taxol every week for three weeks, and the Avastin every other week. What would be week 4 will be a week off of everything. I am currently scheduled for two rounds of these treatments, followed by another CT scan. Depending on what the scan then shows, I may be able to start the estrogen therapy. (not sure yet if that will involve a trip to FL or not)
Potential side effects include thinning/loss of hair, numbness or tingling in my hands, feet, arms and/or legs, nausea and loss of appetite and taste, and fatigue. Those are the main ones.
I am really dreading all of this...but if we can accomplish something favorable in "only" eight weeks time, it will be worth it!
First thing we did was stop the Xeloda chemo pills. I'll take the anti-nausea pills for a couple more days though to be sure it's far enough out of my system to no longer make me sick.
Next appointment I have is actually with my dentist to be sure the Zometa has not affected my jaw or teeth at all. Good dental hygiene is also important when undergoing chemo and taking various cancer-related drugs. As long as everything checks out ok we'll continue with the Zometa infusions. I think it should all be fine. There was just a bit of a red flag when they noted I had jaw pain last week or the week before, but I'm sure that was from the intense vomiting.
The appointment after that will be at the hospital, as an outpatient, to have a port put in. That is a device that's placed in my chest, underneath the skin, through which chemo drugs can be given, all my other infusions can be given, and blood can even be drawn. We've talked about this in the past because I have such poor veins, but now it's going to happen.
Then on Friday, September 8th, we will start a regimen of chemotherapy. I will receive a drug called Taxol every week for three weeks, and the Avastin every other week. What would be week 4 will be a week off of everything. I am currently scheduled for two rounds of these treatments, followed by another CT scan. Depending on what the scan then shows, I may be able to start the estrogen therapy. (not sure yet if that will involve a trip to FL or not)
Potential side effects include thinning/loss of hair, numbness or tingling in my hands, feet, arms and/or legs, nausea and loss of appetite and taste, and fatigue. Those are the main ones.
I am really dreading all of this...but if we can accomplish something favorable in "only" eight weeks time, it will be worth it!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
A New Day
Thought I better check in and let everyone know that I am doing much better than expected today. I did allow myself a "mental health day" to continue to try and absorb this latest news and to take some steps to make me feel as though I am getting my life in order. Eliminate chaos of all kinds is my newest goal.
I am thankful that I am feeling quite a bit better physically so that I can handle the latest mental/emotional anguish. I can't imagine having received this information last week when I already felt like I was down for the count. Timing is everything!
From what I'm hearing, the gates of heaven are being rattled loudly as MANY prayers are sent that way on my behalf. It's overwhelming to realize how many individual souls are praying for mine. What a tremendous gift!
Time to get out in the sunshine and pick my ripened tomatoes.
More updates as they become available...
I am thankful that I am feeling quite a bit better physically so that I can handle the latest mental/emotional anguish. I can't imagine having received this information last week when I already felt like I was down for the count. Timing is everything!
From what I'm hearing, the gates of heaven are being rattled loudly as MANY prayers are sent that way on my behalf. It's overwhelming to realize how many individual souls are praying for mine. What a tremendous gift!
Time to get out in the sunshine and pick my ripened tomatoes.
More updates as they become available...
Monday, August 28, 2006
Extremes
What a wonderful weekend and fantastic party we had to celebrate my parent's 50th anniversary!! Seeing family (both immediate and distant), seeing old friends, meeting new friends...it was all good. The energy and love all weekend long were just absorbed into my system and it did my heart and spirit a world of good.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty darn good. Since I started the new anti-nausea pills last Friday I have not thrown up even once. That is a HUGE barrier to be over. I feel my appetite slowly coming back and hopefully will regain some of my lost strength very quickly just by eating.
I got a call at 8:15am from the clinic to cancel my appt with the gastroenterologist. I was ok with that because I figured that since I'm not vomiting any more I didn't really need him and the scan was just precautionary. BUT...Dr Kumar wanted to see me today instead to go over the results. It didn't click with me right away, but eventually I figured out that that was a bad thing. To confirm this suspicion I called back and asked the nurse if she felt Brian should accompany me to the appointment and there was no hesitation when she said 'yes.'
What we learned this afternoon is what I suspected all day. The cancer has spread, and there are now spots on my liver. This is a very bad thing. The liver can be very difficult to treat. We are looking at two options, however, and I will try to explain them the best that I can.
Our first choice right now seems to be to try and get an appt with a doctor in Florida who has had some success with treating liver metastases with high-dose estrogen therapy. We're hopeful he will find my situation to be one that makes me a candidate for this treatment. Dr Kumar has heard this man speak at seminars and is familiar with his work. His name is Dr. Charles Vogel and, apparently, he is someone who thinks outside the box. We hope to hear back from him within the next day or two.
The second choice is to begin another infusion, this one being Avastin. It is used primarily for colon cancer patients. The trials with breast cancer patients have shown good promise. And while not FDA approved yet for breast cancer patients, my insurance company has already okayed the treatment.
It is undetermined yet if I will need a liver biopsy or if I can maybe be spared that procedure.
This is all I know for now. Well...this, and the fact that I am now scared out my mind. Suddenly I feel as if there are lots of loose ends that need to be tied up.
So, as always, please keep praying for me. And pray for each other too. This isn't easy for ANY of us!!
I woke up this morning feeling pretty darn good. Since I started the new anti-nausea pills last Friday I have not thrown up even once. That is a HUGE barrier to be over. I feel my appetite slowly coming back and hopefully will regain some of my lost strength very quickly just by eating.
I got a call at 8:15am from the clinic to cancel my appt with the gastroenterologist. I was ok with that because I figured that since I'm not vomiting any more I didn't really need him and the scan was just precautionary. BUT...Dr Kumar wanted to see me today instead to go over the results. It didn't click with me right away, but eventually I figured out that that was a bad thing. To confirm this suspicion I called back and asked the nurse if she felt Brian should accompany me to the appointment and there was no hesitation when she said 'yes.'
What we learned this afternoon is what I suspected all day. The cancer has spread, and there are now spots on my liver. This is a very bad thing. The liver can be very difficult to treat. We are looking at two options, however, and I will try to explain them the best that I can.
Our first choice right now seems to be to try and get an appt with a doctor in Florida who has had some success with treating liver metastases with high-dose estrogen therapy. We're hopeful he will find my situation to be one that makes me a candidate for this treatment. Dr Kumar has heard this man speak at seminars and is familiar with his work. His name is Dr. Charles Vogel and, apparently, he is someone who thinks outside the box. We hope to hear back from him within the next day or two.
The second choice is to begin another infusion, this one being Avastin. It is used primarily for colon cancer patients. The trials with breast cancer patients have shown good promise. And while not FDA approved yet for breast cancer patients, my insurance company has already okayed the treatment.
It is undetermined yet if I will need a liver biopsy or if I can maybe be spared that procedure.
This is all I know for now. Well...this, and the fact that I am now scared out my mind. Suddenly I feel as if there are lots of loose ends that need to be tied up.
So, as always, please keep praying for me. And pray for each other too. This isn't easy for ANY of us!!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Feeling Rough
I haven't been feeling very well for a long time now. We've tried this, that, and the other thing but I'm still nauseous. Today we made plans to delve further into the problem.
First of all they gave me some different anti-nausea pills to try. I haven't taken any of them yet though. Then we scheduled a CT Scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis for tomorrow afternoon. The trick will be to keep the chalky drink down long enough to accomplish the scan. I'll meet with a gastroenterologist on Monday to get the results. We need to find out why I'm still throwing up so often.
Every day I try, try, try to get my butt to work. I haven't been so successful. It's very discouraging. When I am there I tend to not last very long. When I'm home I accomplish little or nothing. I spend lots of time on the couch and in bed; sleeping, reading, and watching bad television.
I'm sorry to be such a downer here, but that's just the mood I'm in right now.
My biggest concern is trying to figure out how to make myself feel decent enough to get through Mom & Dad's big anniversary open house on Saturday!
That's all for now. I have soooo many long overdue 'thank yous' to get out to people. I hope to be able to accomplish that soon, right here in this blog. Until then: THANK YOU to everyone who has called, cooked, visited, donated, and prayed!!
First of all they gave me some different anti-nausea pills to try. I haven't taken any of them yet though. Then we scheduled a CT Scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis for tomorrow afternoon. The trick will be to keep the chalky drink down long enough to accomplish the scan. I'll meet with a gastroenterologist on Monday to get the results. We need to find out why I'm still throwing up so often.
Every day I try, try, try to get my butt to work. I haven't been so successful. It's very discouraging. When I am there I tend to not last very long. When I'm home I accomplish little or nothing. I spend lots of time on the couch and in bed; sleeping, reading, and watching bad television.
I'm sorry to be such a downer here, but that's just the mood I'm in right now.
My biggest concern is trying to figure out how to make myself feel decent enough to get through Mom & Dad's big anniversary open house on Saturday!
That's all for now. I have soooo many long overdue 'thank yous' to get out to people. I hope to be able to accomplish that soon, right here in this blog. Until then: THANK YOU to everyone who has called, cooked, visited, donated, and prayed!!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I think today is Wednesday
Funny how easily I lose track of the days of the week when I don't go into work each day. It gets very confusing.
After not keeping anything down on both Monday and Tuesday, I ended up at the clinic yesterday afternoon where they gave me IV fluids, IV anti-nausea drugs, IV steroids, and one other thing through the IV that I don't remember. All of this was to help with the dehydration and hopefully get the stomach back to where it needs to be. THANK YOU Sheryl for the ride!!
I slept most of the time I was at the clinic from that "other" thing they gave me, napped at home, and then slept like a rock last night. The head was a little fuzzy this morning yet and I just now had some Gatorade and saltines so here's hoping all is good.
Sue is driving all the way from DeForest this morning to pick up Dominic and take him to the airport for me. We also have school registration before he takes off. Depending on how I feel at that point in the day I may have her drop me off at work (or if my head is more normal I may drive myself). I have a brand new desk chair there that I really need to go and sit in!
Hope to write more again later today...
After not keeping anything down on both Monday and Tuesday, I ended up at the clinic yesterday afternoon where they gave me IV fluids, IV anti-nausea drugs, IV steroids, and one other thing through the IV that I don't remember. All of this was to help with the dehydration and hopefully get the stomach back to where it needs to be. THANK YOU Sheryl for the ride!!
I slept most of the time I was at the clinic from that "other" thing they gave me, napped at home, and then slept like a rock last night. The head was a little fuzzy this morning yet and I just now had some Gatorade and saltines so here's hoping all is good.
Sue is driving all the way from DeForest this morning to pick up Dominic and take him to the airport for me. We also have school registration before he takes off. Depending on how I feel at that point in the day I may have her drop me off at work (or if my head is more normal I may drive myself). I have a brand new desk chair there that I really need to go and sit in!
Hope to write more again later today...
Monday, August 14, 2006
Quick Update
Have to keep this short as I'm back to feeling lousy again...
For a few days I was off all meds of all kinds except Advil. I was starting to feel like I might have some good days, but then developed more pain flairs. I think all the meds had time to leave my system and that's why the pain started up again. Advil was no longer doing the trick. I tried half of one Tramadol before bed last night and 1/2 when I awakened to some pain at 4:30 this morning. By 7am I was sick and haven't kept anything down yet today.
I called the clinic and they prescribed me with a patch that will more evenly regulate the dosage of pain meds I receive. Time will tell what side effects I'll experience from this now. Poor Brian was greatly inconvenienced in his work day running around town to pick this up. It's new and there was only one pharmacy that carries it.
Back to my couch or bed now.
I HAVE to blog again soon because the Rally on Saturday was quite the amazing event once again. My Stecker family outdid themselves!!
For a few days I was off all meds of all kinds except Advil. I was starting to feel like I might have some good days, but then developed more pain flairs. I think all the meds had time to leave my system and that's why the pain started up again. Advil was no longer doing the trick. I tried half of one Tramadol before bed last night and 1/2 when I awakened to some pain at 4:30 this morning. By 7am I was sick and haven't kept anything down yet today.
I called the clinic and they prescribed me with a patch that will more evenly regulate the dosage of pain meds I receive. Time will tell what side effects I'll experience from this now. Poor Brian was greatly inconvenienced in his work day running around town to pick this up. It's new and there was only one pharmacy that carries it.
Back to my couch or bed now.
I HAVE to blog again soon because the Rally on Saturday was quite the amazing event once again. My Stecker family outdid themselves!!
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Conspicuous in my Absence?
My observant sister, Sue, told me that when I say things like "I'll keep you posted" and then I don't post anything it usually means that I'm not feeling so good. I guess she's right! Because I haven't posted anything in a week, and it's now been a week since I started the Xeloda.
Strangely enough I am now posting this shortly after midnight. Could it be that after two weeks of what feels like non-stop sleeping I've finally reached my limit? No, I don't think that's it. I think I've just taken some meds too late in the evening that are now keeping me up. My eyes are tired and I keep yawning, but I can't seem to fall asleep. All jittery.
I haven't been feeling so great lately. But I do think it may be improving a bit day by day. I worked a grand total of one hour last week! Can you believe that?! I'm averaging around 2.5 hours/day this week though. So that's a big jump percentage-wise. Mornings seem to be my worst time of the day. But I'm muddling through. I mostly have myself weaned from the pain pills (which may be part of why I'm sitting here at this hour), with the Xeloda and some Ibuprofen taking over in the pain treatment area.
Today was NOT a good clinic experience for me and I came home in a pretty down mood. A nap seemed to snap me out of it though. They had to poke me three times to get the IV started. Plus all the blinds were shut and a lot of the curtains between the patients were closed and it felt almost claustrophic in there (and I'm not a claustrophic person).
They did give me some samples of Ensure, Boost, Support, and Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. All of these are protein/energy drinks. I've lost nine pounds in the last two weeks from not eating much at all, and not always keeping down what I have eaten. Plus, I can't seem to tolerate any protein. Even the word "meat" turns my stomach---much less the sight or smell. So these drinks should maybe help keep my diet slightly more balanced.
I checked out a book today (now yesterday, I guess) from the resource library they have at the VLCC. It's the first book I've come across that's written for a person with metastatic breast cancer. There is a TON of information out there for a woman who is first diagnosed, or who is going through breast cancer treatment for the first time. But there is far, far less info on the taboo subject of a cancer that may have returned/spread. So far I've only read the preface, but I know I'm going to gain a great deal from the experience of reading this book. I'll let you know when I'm done with it if it's recommended reading for any/all of you. I'm hopeful that it will be a catalyst for some heart warming, and even heart wrenching, conversations about this reality that is the Cancer in my life.
OK...still not quite sleepy enough. Maybe I'll go buy something on QVC now. (Just kidding!) But I will sign off for the night. Hope all of you have managed to stay cool this past week and that you're tucked away safely and snuggly in your beds.
Hugs!
Strangely enough I am now posting this shortly after midnight. Could it be that after two weeks of what feels like non-stop sleeping I've finally reached my limit? No, I don't think that's it. I think I've just taken some meds too late in the evening that are now keeping me up. My eyes are tired and I keep yawning, but I can't seem to fall asleep. All jittery.
I haven't been feeling so great lately. But I do think it may be improving a bit day by day. I worked a grand total of one hour last week! Can you believe that?! I'm averaging around 2.5 hours/day this week though. So that's a big jump percentage-wise. Mornings seem to be my worst time of the day. But I'm muddling through. I mostly have myself weaned from the pain pills (which may be part of why I'm sitting here at this hour), with the Xeloda and some Ibuprofen taking over in the pain treatment area.
Today was NOT a good clinic experience for me and I came home in a pretty down mood. A nap seemed to snap me out of it though. They had to poke me three times to get the IV started. Plus all the blinds were shut and a lot of the curtains between the patients were closed and it felt almost claustrophic in there (and I'm not a claustrophic person).
They did give me some samples of Ensure, Boost, Support, and Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. All of these are protein/energy drinks. I've lost nine pounds in the last two weeks from not eating much at all, and not always keeping down what I have eaten. Plus, I can't seem to tolerate any protein. Even the word "meat" turns my stomach---much less the sight or smell. So these drinks should maybe help keep my diet slightly more balanced.
I checked out a book today (now yesterday, I guess) from the resource library they have at the VLCC. It's the first book I've come across that's written for a person with metastatic breast cancer. There is a TON of information out there for a woman who is first diagnosed, or who is going through breast cancer treatment for the first time. But there is far, far less info on the taboo subject of a cancer that may have returned/spread. So far I've only read the preface, but I know I'm going to gain a great deal from the experience of reading this book. I'll let you know when I'm done with it if it's recommended reading for any/all of you. I'm hopeful that it will be a catalyst for some heart warming, and even heart wrenching, conversations about this reality that is the Cancer in my life.
OK...still not quite sleepy enough. Maybe I'll go buy something on QVC now. (Just kidding!) But I will sign off for the night. Hope all of you have managed to stay cool this past week and that you're tucked away safely and snuggly in your beds.
Hugs!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Down the Hatch
With some trepidation, I managed to get the first dosage of Xeloda down my throat this morning. Now I'm trying to keep my mind busy and not sit here thinking about what the side effects may be or what comes next.
I'll keep you posted...
I'll keep you posted...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Dear Liza, Dear Liza
Good thing there's no hole in my bucket, dear Liza, cuz within only a couple of hours of my last blog, the bucket had to come back out. While it hasn't been a constant companion, it's never too far from my grasp.
I still feel queasy and SLEEPY! Lots of napping going on, very little eating happening, and today's "major" accomplishment was...hmmm...one load of laundry in the machine and I picked three weeds before almost falling over in the yard (decided to come back inside at that point since I was home alone and thought it might be safer/smarter).
I'll chat with Dr K tomorrow. Not sure if I have to resign myself to the fact that my only hope for pain relief is to feel 'out of it' in other ways. I also have this strange stiffness in other parts of my body that the pain relievers aren't necessarily relieving.
I hope to maybe get to work for small patches of time this week, but since I can't really drive, that may be tricky. At the least, maybe I can stop in and forward home everything I need to assemble our employee newsletter. I just may call on one or two of you who have offered your transportation services. I'll let you know what the doc determines.
Enjoy your Sunday evenings!
I still feel queasy and SLEEPY! Lots of napping going on, very little eating happening, and today's "major" accomplishment was...hmmm...one load of laundry in the machine and I picked three weeds before almost falling over in the yard (decided to come back inside at that point since I was home alone and thought it might be safer/smarter).
I'll chat with Dr K tomorrow. Not sure if I have to resign myself to the fact that my only hope for pain relief is to feel 'out of it' in other ways. I also have this strange stiffness in other parts of my body that the pain relievers aren't necessarily relieving.
I hope to maybe get to work for small patches of time this week, but since I can't really drive, that may be tricky. At the least, maybe I can stop in and forward home everything I need to assemble our employee newsletter. I just may call on one or two of you who have offered your transportation services. I'll let you know what the doc determines.
Enjoy your Sunday evenings!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
New drugs
I know, I know...I should have blogged days ago, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. Here are the results of Wednesday's doctor appt:
My red blood cells seem to be holding steady. My platelets have increased somewhat so instead of the usual 40mg of Procrit, they gave me 60mg instead, in hopes that this will get things all charged up by next Wednesday. Yes, we've put off the chemo pills "one" more week.
Because of the increased pain I have been experiencing, we are trying a new pain reliever called Tramadol (sounds like "damn it all"). Side effects include nausuea, drowsiness and, ironically, headaches. I've been taking anti-nausea pills that also cause drowsiness, so I've been sleeping a LOT lateley! The headaches went away after the first day, so that was good. The nausea is lessening and I put the "bucket" away this morning. The sleepiness seems to be sticking with me.
The reason for my increased pain is that my tumor marker number took a significant jump again. Now at 1474, that's a jump of 345 in only TWO weeks! Dr K hasn't seen that number yet as he won't be back in until Monday.
So if I can ask for specific prayers this week, it would be that we can finally start the Xeloda and start to gain some control over this thing. Healthy blood is what I need!
I'm supposed to be camping right now. (insert sad face)
My red blood cells seem to be holding steady. My platelets have increased somewhat so instead of the usual 40mg of Procrit, they gave me 60mg instead, in hopes that this will get things all charged up by next Wednesday. Yes, we've put off the chemo pills "one" more week.
Because of the increased pain I have been experiencing, we are trying a new pain reliever called Tramadol (sounds like "damn it all"). Side effects include nausuea, drowsiness and, ironically, headaches. I've been taking anti-nausea pills that also cause drowsiness, so I've been sleeping a LOT lateley! The headaches went away after the first day, so that was good. The nausea is lessening and I put the "bucket" away this morning. The sleepiness seems to be sticking with me.
The reason for my increased pain is that my tumor marker number took a significant jump again. Now at 1474, that's a jump of 345 in only TWO weeks! Dr K hasn't seen that number yet as he won't be back in until Monday.
So if I can ask for specific prayers this week, it would be that we can finally start the Xeloda and start to gain some control over this thing. Healthy blood is what I need!
I'm supposed to be camping right now. (insert sad face)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Too Many Steps
It's a darn good thing that KB and I went to NYC last year. Brian, Dominic and I walked around the Farm Technology Days yesterday and I am hurtin' for certain today. I just think I walked too far, and it was on mostly uneven terrain, so I really feel it in my hips.
Yesterday's blood draw showed that I am still anemic. My platelets are also low and I'm supposed to be very careful so as not to cut myself. Xeloda is on hold for another week.
Yesterday's blood draw showed that I am still anemic. My platelets are also low and I'm supposed to be very careful so as not to cut myself. Xeloda is on hold for another week.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Golf Good...Bocce Bad
I had a lot of fun golfing Friday night! My driving wasn't so good, but my putting wasn't too bad. It's only my second time out this year. We had a lot of laughs with the Thorns and the weather was perfect. I didn't even hurt when I woke up Saturday morning!
Yesterday, however, Brian and I played some Bocce Ball in the yard. This morning I woke up feeling a bit of pain. I think the tossing of the weighted balls was not a good thing. So it's self-inflicted pain, that came with fun, so I'm ok with that. And the Ibuprofin is helping.
Overall, still feeling pretty darn good!
Yesterday, however, Brian and I played some Bocce Ball in the yard. This morning I woke up feeling a bit of pain. I think the tossing of the weighted balls was not a good thing. So it's self-inflicted pain, that came with fun, so I'm ok with that. And the Ibuprofin is helping.
Overall, still feeling pretty darn good!
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